Fussing, feuding and fighting

F ussing, feuding and fighting! They destroy families, friendships, business relationships, even relationships between nations causing wars! How can we avoid those three F’s that wreck relationships?

In Genesis chapter 13 Abram, who was later renamed Abraham by God, had a really good idea.

Abram and his nephew Lot were settling with their livestock, tents and hersmen between Bethel and Ai. They filled up the land and their herdsmen began to have strife. They were beginning to fuss, feud and fight!

Abram was very wise. He saw the problem coming and decided to head it off at the pass and put a stop to the upcoming feud. In Genesis 13 verse 8 he said to Lot: “Let there be no strife between you and me, and between your herdsmen and my herdsmen, for we are kinsmen.” (ESV)

Abram anticipated the problem when he saw it developing and decided to do something about it. He started by talking to Lot. He got eyeball to eyeball and talked to the person he was concerned with.

Notice he did not talk to a neighbor or his wife or someone else — he talked to Lot.

He didn’t just throw a fit about the problem. He did not say, “Lot, you and your flocks are crowding me and mine out! What are we going to do about this?”

Instead, he had a reasonable proposal that would solve the problem: you go to the right and I will go the left, or you go to the left and I will go to the right.

Abram came up with options that would solve the problem and proposed them to Lot. Lot decided to go into the Jordan Valley, while Abram went into the land of Canaan. They separated and had plenty of room for their flocks. Problem solved!

Abram took six simple steps to avoid the fussing, feuding and fighting that wreck relationships. First, he anticipated the problem. Second, he chose to solve the problem before it developed. Third, he talked to the person he was concerned about, not about them. Fourth, he described the problem to the person in a reasonable way. Fifth, he offered options to solve the problem. Sixth, he allowed the person to choose the solution.

If we can follow these six simple steps we can avoid most of life’s fussing, feuding and fighting and avoid the wreckage it brings to life.