A night (sleeping?) at the hospital
Aquick overview of what it’s like attempting to sleep in the hospital.
10:00 p.m. CNA: “Would you like the light out?” Upon your affirmative reply, she extinguishes the overhead light, leaving on one above the bed that provides almost enough light to read.
10:17 p.m. Beep Beep Beep. An alarm is going off next to your bed. A CNA comes in to inform you that you’ve crimped your IV. Try not to do that.
10:39 p.m. Man three doors down: “Nurse! Nurse! I need my pain meds!”
11:01 p.m. Loudspeaker: “Rapid Response Team, room 351. Rapid Response Team, room 351.”
11:22 p.m. Slightly quieter beep beep beep. Apparently, your next door neighbor has a problem with his IV.
11:47 p.m. Nurse comes in, turns on overhead light. “It’s time for your medication.”
12:15 a.m. Woman two doors down. “Help. Help me!” 12:56 a.m. CNA: “Hello, it’s time to check your vitals. Blood pressure first.”
1:19 a.m. Loudspeaker: “Sepsis alert, emergency room, bed three. Sepsis alert, emergency room, bed three.” The emergency room is two floors down, but apparently the whole hospital must be informed.
1:44 a.m. Beep Beep Beep. CNA comes in. “You’ve crimped your IV again. Try not to lay like that.”
2:06 a.m. Your neighbor is watching a game show at a volume enough to wake the dead. You’ll take Sports history for 400 Alex.
2:45 a.m. Chatter outside the door. Apparently, there is a debate about who will change the bedpan in room 349.
2:50 a.m. Man three doors down. “Nurse, I need the bathroom! Nurse, bathroom!”
2:52 a.m. Man three doors down. “Nurse, bathroom now!”
3:09 a.m. Beep Beep Beep. CNA says “Did you crimp…oh, your IV is empty, let me change it.”
3:36 a.m. Loudspeaker: “Rapid Response Team room 361. Rapid Response Team, room 351.” You wonder for 20 minutes whether this is the same patient as before. Was it 351 last time or 361? They seem to be taking a while. What’s happening to that patient? Was that the old guy who smiled as I came in? I hope he’s OK. No, it really was 351 last time which means this is a new scare. OK, now you’re worried about what happened to 351. Should you ask? Probably not.
4:19 a.m. CNA: “Hello, it’s time to get your vitals. Blood pressure first. Which arm do you want me to use?”
4:23 a.m. Beep Beep Beep. CAN says “Oh, that’s nothing. I don’t know what that alarm is, but it doesn’t matter.” 4:26 a.m to 5:55 a.m. Sleep, glorious, fitful sleep. 5:56 a.m. Nurse: “It’s time for your morning medication.” You ask if you get to go home today. That’s up to the doctor. When will the doctor be here. She doesn’t know, probably in the afternoon.
6:00 a.m. You decide to try to get back to sleep, but your back is sore. Plus, there’s a lot of generalized bustle at the nurse’s station a few steps from your door. Apparently, it was one of the CNA’S birthday yesterday and someone surprised her with a cake. That was eleven hours ago, why are you just now hearing about it? And, would it be rude to ask for a piece? It probably would. Now, you’re tossing and turning, and hungry. 7:03 a.m. Nurse comes in with another nurse. It’s time for shift change. They are talking about you in the third person four feet away. Hey, that last part was a little embarrassing.
7:05 a.m. “Dietary. Good morning, here’s your breakfast.” This guy is awfully chipper for someone serving hospital food. Actually, that smells good. Well, not that part, but at least that one.
5:15 p.m. Nurse says you might get to go home today. Really? Well, the doctor still has to say for sure. When is he coming in? Soon.
7:00 p.m. Doctor comes in during nurse shift change. “Are you ready to go home.” (You’re thinking “does a bear…” but you don’t say it.) Doctor says you can go home; they’ll start the paperwork.
8:27 p.m. Nurse comes in with 37 pages of paperwork, explaining medications, and all kinds of legal stuff you never thought about suing over.
9:06 p.m. CNA wheels you down to the car where your family waits to take you home.
Two days later. You send over some Stafford’s Chocolates with a brief thank you note to the nurse’s station for all the staff. They sure work hard.