Be thankful, you coulda...

BE THANKFUL, ‘cuz this here Corona Virus thing could be worse...

1. The FCC could shutdown all TV and Cable broadcasts, fearing it’d spread the virus through the screen somehow.

2. You coulda had all your in-laws with their dogs visiting when the police nailed your home door shut until further notice.

3. You coulda sold all your Scott Tissue stock the day before the outbreak.

4. You coulda sold your living room couch at a yard sale while waiting for delivery of a new recliner from the shutdown Laz-e-boy factory.

5. You already had binge watched every single series on Netflix, Amazon, Appletv, Hulu, Sling, Disney+, and The Pokémon/carebear Channel... twice.

6. Your pesticide tent covered house is on day 2 of insect fumigation.

7. Your wife’s 300 page Things-to-do list for you is a real page turner, and involves cranes. 8. One word: hemorrhoids 9. The worldwide internet goes on vacation. 10. Finally, you could be on a hospital gurney, inside a plastic isolation bag, pictured by three IV drips, doped up worse than Scarface, glued to freezing bedpans and kept from family. That would be unbearable... Just ask the thousands living through this calamity.

Let’s pray for all those suffering this terrible season of outbreak.

POSSIBLE ADDITIONAL DIRECTIVES

1. Besides being sent to our room for 2 weeks, we will have to stand in the corner with our noses to the wall. 2. Distribute dog head funnels to all residents. 3. Force all citizens to write on blackboard “I will not sneeze, wheeze or cough in public ” 100 times.

4. Levy a tax on toilet paper by the numbered sheet, with odd and even days of TP usage.

5. Musicians will only be allowed to play to audiences of 10 or less (which will be a step up for many local bands).

6. Introduction of the “Duct Tape Solution,” details unknown.

7. Mandatory consumption of frozen Nyquilon-A-Stick to sedate live-in in-laws.

8. All TV stations required to play marathon movies based somewhat on washing your hands.

9. Permit corrective spanking of home sequestered kids after day 3 or riots.

10. Encourage homeowners to rotate their furniture from room to room, to help pass the time painlessly.

Please join me in prayer for a quick end to this virus among us.