Many offer help to grieving widower

DEAR ABBY: Your advice to the grieving widower “In Need of Someone” (June 22) was spot on. I met my husband when I was 14. We married at 18, and he died when he was 44. After his death, I had no idea how to be a person because I had always been a partner.

In the early years, I cried every day and was searching, like “In Need,” to fill that empty spot in my life. Then one day, I started figuring out what to do about the other holes in my life. — SHELLY IN ILLINOIS

DEAR SHELLY: Thank you for sharing the important life lessons you have learned. Other caring readers also responded to encourage “In Need” as he moves forward:

DEAR ABBY: I lost my husband after 30 years together. I’m still working on getting “from hollow to whole,” as “In Need” wrote. Your advice that he should “figure out the boundary between where you left off and your wife began” is an important insight. I’ve never heard this from a grief counselor, but it’s exactly what I’ve been trying to do for the past three months. You can’t live with someone else if you can’t live with yourself.

I’m working on becoming whole again, and it’s happening slowly. “In Need” should do the same. It may take longer, but it works better. — TAMMY IN OREGON

DEAR ABBY: “In Need” should get some hobbies. If I met a nice person and was considering pursuing a relationship and I found out he had no hobbies, no outside interests or friends beyond his late spouse, I would be gone. Among my friends, I don’t know a single one who would want a relationship with someone whose life was totally wrapped up in his spouse and “needed” a replacement. — NANCY IN NEW MEXICO

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.dearabby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA

90069.