Pastor having affair keeps his engagement under wraps
DEAR ABBY: A new single pastor was assigned to my church. He asked if I was single and if I had kids. I told him no, and we began having an affair.
For two years, it was all in secret. Then I began noticing that a single lady from his previous church would visit. He told me she was concerned about him being alone, so she was stopping by on her way through.
Well, I now know she was more than that. While he was having his affair with me, he was engaged to her. When I confronted him, he denied it. They got married in secret, and he didn’t tell the church until afterward. Everyone was shocked because he talked so much about being an open book and being truthful. I was and still am in shock. I love my church, but I hate my pastor. Should I leave? —
HURTING IN SECRET DEAR HURTING:
I smell a rat, and it’s coming from the pulpit. Your pastor misrepresented himself. His affair with you was, to say the least, unethical and should be discussed with the governing board of your church. You were taken advantage of. One of you should leave.
DEAR ABBY: I endured an arduous decade-long marriage with a subsequent nasty divorce and custody battle. This was followed by years of contentious child rearing with my ex.
With my children now grown, I am free to spend my money the way I want and have absolute freedom. I live alone, and quite frankly, I love my life. I am 100% sure that I want to remain unmarried.
When people ask me about getting remarried, I tell them “never again,” and I mean it. Yet, inevitably, people say, “You never know, you might get married again someday.” Abby, I DO know. It’s been more than 20 years.
I used to get annoyed, but now I just blow it off. Do you have any retort that doesn’t sound rude? I have thought about saying, “I guess you know me better than I know myself,” but it sounds snarky. — BEFUD
DLED IN FLORIDA DEAR BEFUDDLED:
If blowing off the questions no longer works for you, try this: Smile at the person and say, “That would involve TWO willing people, and I’m not receptive. But thank you for the kind thought.” And then change the subject.
DEAR ABBY: I have been having some emotional turmoil. I’m feeling depressed and hopeless. I know I need to tell my parents, but I’m too scared. I’m afraid they will brush it off or blame me. It’s really affecting my life. Please give me some advice on how to break the news. —
GIRL WITH A PROBLEM IN NORTH CAROLINA DEAR GIRL:
Many people are experiencing feelings similar to the ones you are. The worst thing you can do is keep them to yourself. Be brave. Tell your parents about your depression and turmoil. If they are disbelieving, confide in a teacher or the parent of a close friend so they can advise your parents on getting you professional help if it is necessary. My thoughts are with you, and I hope you feel better soon.
DEAR ABBY: I’m a 16-yearold girl with a problem. It takes me forever to choose an outfit in the morning, no matter the occasion. It’s not that I’m a fashionista. It’s just that I can’t seem to put together anything that makes me feel comfortable.
I’ll put something on, think I like it, walk into the bathroom and then notice things about it that I don’t like. It’s starting to get on my nerves. I have tried shopping for clothes that I know I like, but even then, it seems like I’m changing my outfit three or four times before I leave. How can I make myself feel more comfortable about what I’m wearing? — FASHION STRUGGLE IN MICHIGAN CAROLINA
DEAR FASHION STRUGGLE: Try laying your clothes out and coordinating your accessories the night before. After you have done it, leave the room for an hour or so. If you like what you have assembled before you go to bed, the chances are better that you will like it in the morning. You will also be less stressed and won’t have wasted time obsessing before leaving the house Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www. Dearabby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA
90069.