Peanut butter and jelly leads to messy column

Those who choose to read this Popcorn Stand can surely already deduct by the headline I tend to ramble in my columns. And like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich can often become — especially when a child eats one — my columns can become awful messy.

So of course since yesterday, Friday, April 2, was National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day I’m going to write about — Top Ramen. That’s one of my overused so-called jokes as whenever someone asks what’s for dinner I always reply “Top Ramen.”

But as it turned out I looked it up and National Ramen Noodle Day is actually this Sunday, April 4. Easter Sunday. So with your traditional Easter Sunday Dinner with all the ham and trimmings, you can include Top Ramen.

I had no idea there was a National Ramen Day. Don’t know much about it other than it’s a new holiday as it was established in 2016.

It actually seems to make sense to me that National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day and Ramen Noodle Day are on the same weekend. I mean they’re two relatively simple comfort foods we depend heavily on.

It should also be noted yesterday Friday, April 2, was National Ferret Day, so of course my first thought was how cool would it be for a ferret to be eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on April 2. But alas upon painstakingly thorough research that took a matter of seconds, I found out it’s not such a good idea to give a ferret peanut butter.

And Thursday of course was April Fools Day and no I won’t do what I normally do and go off on that tangent about what is Groundhog Day on February 2 while other holidays like April Fools Day and May Day are on the first. I have too much other rambling and tangents to get to in this column.

I must admit I’m an easy target on April Fools Day. I’m gullible. I feel for a April Fools joke not once but twice on Thursday.

Let’s just say I was promised a steak sandwich for lunch. When I open the foil expecting a steak sandwich I found two packages of Top Ramen.

Later in the day I was promised a donut and the delivery came again complete with the small Hergesheimer Donuts bag. Again I opened the the bag expecting a donut and there it was — another package of Top Ramen. Thankfully I did eventually receive my Hergesheimer donut.

Donuts are right up there with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and Tap Ramen as comfort food we depend on. I can’t explain how exhilarating it is to come across a box of donuts and right there is what I think to be my favorite donut, the jelly donut.

But I’m never sure because I can’t see inside and that’s all part of the exhilaration, finding out if it’s actually a jelly donut or rather something that’s going to be less satisfying, a donut filled lemon instead.

When I take that first bite and it is indeed jelly, it’s the ultimate in satisfying moments that yes, indeed, I’m enjoying a jelly donut. But if after the first bite it turns out to be lemon, the disappointment lasts about a half-second and the donut is still delicious. A win-win situation.

And of course a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is extremely satisfying and there is actually an art to making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. To spread just the right amount of peanut butter on one slice of bread and the right amount of jelly on the other slice of bread so that actually all of the peanut butter and jelly go into your mouth together without losing any of it.

The average American eats more than 2,000 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches but the time they graduate from high school. That sounds about right. Over about 15 years that’s roughly one peanut butter and jelly sandwich every three days.

Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Top Ramen. Donuts. Writing this column has made me hungry. I’m ordering a pizza.