The Popcorn Stand: Ready for this holiday

I’m ready for the holiday that occurs every year this Monday on October 31. Of course I’m talking about National Knock-knock Day. What you thought I was talking about Halloween? Who cares about that? Like I’ve written before I’m not much into dressing up in a costume.

Although I think it would be absolutely awesome instead of going door-to-door and saying “Trick or Treat,” kids would dress up in their Halloween costumes, go door-to-door and say “knock, knock.” And then they get a treat for telling a knock-knock joke.

Actually for any kids out there who are reading this (which I’m pretty sure is close to zero) if you show up at my door and say “knock, knock,” I’ll give you two treats. Of course I will expect you to finish the knock-knock joke.

I love a knock-knock joke. I love a good knockknock joke. Actually I take that back. Knockknock jokes aren’t supposed to be good. They’re supposed to be dumb. I love a dumb knock-knock joke. The best knock-knock jokes are the dumbest knock-knock jokes.

I heard my favorite knock-knock joke when I watched an episode of M*A*S*H. Hawkeye told the joke to Trapper.

Pierce: Knock, knock

Trapper: Who’s there?

Pierce: George Washington

Trapper: George Washington who? Pierce: You mean you don’t know me? Pierce followed up that knock-knock joke with this one:

Pierce: Knock, knock

Trapper: Who’s there?

Pierce: Thomas Jefferson

Trapper: Thomas Jefferson who?

Pierce: Have you seen George Washington around here?

What makes those knock-knock jokes so great is they’re so stupid. As I’ve written here before I also love stupid jokes.

What I really love is telling stupid jokes to people who really don’t understand they’re supposed to be stupid. I’ve written before about how I told a stupid joke to our former photographer, Chieko Hara, who’s from Japan and readily admitted she didn’t always get “American humor.”

I told her this joke. What do you call a chicken coupe? A two-door chicken. Chieko kept trying to explain to me there’s no such thing as a two-door chicken and I couldn’t stop laughing. I can’t stop laughing as I’m writing this now.

I also think there should be a competition for the world’s worst joke. Here’s my nominee.

Two guys meet each other one’s named Bob and the other’s named Arti. Bob and Arti get to know each other well and Bob asks Arti what he did for a living. Arti admitted he was a hit man. Bob said he would love to use Arti’s services but couldn’t afford him.

Arti said I’ll tell you what I’ll do. Since you’re a nice guy, I’m a professional, but I’ll charge you only $1. That’s great, Bob said, who went onto tell Arti he needed his wife killed because she was always down at the supermarket spending all of Bob’s money.

So Arti went down to the supermarket and sure enough Bob’s wife was there. So he chokes her. But this box boy saw it, so he chokes him. But this little old lady with her shopping cart saw it, so he chokes her.

Well, anyway Arti gets caught, the supermarket makes a big deal about it and on its billboard the next day:

ARTI CHOKES THREE FOR $1

I told you it was a bad joke. Which makes it great.

Hallowthanksmas can hold off for another day. Happy National Knock-knock Day everybody.