Parents need a reminder that their words matter
DEAR ABBY: While shopping at the mall, I have seen too many stressedout parents ignore or yell at their children. It certainly isn’t helpful. It isn’t how I was raised or how I raised mine. Years ago, I saw a poem in your column that addressed the ramifications of bad parenting versus good parenting. From what I’ve been seeing, you should print it again. Many parents who should read it won’t see themselves in it, but it could help the ones who do. Its message is so important. Thank you. — JANET F. IN MINNESOTA
DEAR JANET: I know the poem you are referring to and I agree it sends an important message for parents. It’s one of many profound poems and essays included in my “Keepers” booklet, which was compiled because so many readers requested reprints of their favorites. Read on:
CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE by Dorothy Law Nolte
If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn
If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy
If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty
If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient
If a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidence
If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate
If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith
If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he learns to find love in the world.
This is just one of the poems, essays and letters that appear in the Keepers booklet. Some are witty, others are philosophical.
The topics include children, animals, aging, parenting, death and forgiveness. It can be ordered by sending your name and address plus a check or money order (U.S. funds) for $8 to Dear Abby Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 610540447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.
Filled with down-toearth nuggets of wisdom, it’s a quick, easy read and an inexpensive gift for newlyweds, pet lovers, new parents or anyone recovering from an illness because it covers a wide variety of subjects.
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together six years. We are both divorced. We plan on being married in six months. He’s a perfect partner except for one thing. Every holiday, he jumps out of bed in the morning and takes his phone with him into the bathroom. There he texts his ex-wife and exgirlfriend. He feels the need to wish them a happy whatever holiday it is. This hurts my feelings.
I don’t understand why it’s so important for him to contact them. Apparently, they are the first thing on his mind every holiday, or maybe every day. I don’t know if I should marry him. I believe he still loves his ex-wife. Help, please. — SUSPICIOUS IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR SUSPICIOUS: I will assume that sometime over the past six years you have discussed this at least once with your boyfriend. This means he knows that when he jumps out of bed, takes his phone and hides in the bathroom to text his exes, it makes you feel insecure.
If you really think he may still be in love with his ex-wife, do not marry this person. Because the two of you intend to move on to the next level (engagement), it’s time for you to seek premarital counseling. It should help you avoid conflict once you are married.