Line-jumper cuts in front of very patient cancer patient
DEAR MISS MANNERS » I recently encountered a very rude linejumper. I said nothing to her, but wish I had, and I wonder whether Miss Manners can suggest a polite statement for some similar future occurrence.
At the end of a 6 ½hour chemo session for my aggressive cancer, I was waiting for either of the two administrators to complete my paperwork. (Each was with a patient.) A woman, about age 20, entered the area and sat next to me; as a doctor walked by, she asked, “Can you tell me whether (John Doe) is here? I'm his transportation, and he has dementia.” The doctor said the woman would have to check with one of the admins.
I was about to tell her that she could go ahead of me, but then she simply did — without bothering to ask. Then she departed without apologizing to me or thanking me.
I thought, “OK, I'm going to cut her some slack — she's worried, and I empathize. Waiting a little longer isn't the end of the world, even though
I'm worn out and having unpleasant side effects.”
But a few minutes later, she and I were outside for about 10 minutes, I on a bench and she in her car about 15 feet away. Her windows were open, so she could see me, but she still said nothing to me — no apology, no thank-you. She did strike up a conversation with two strangers, complimenting their motorcycle and their garb, offering them blessings, reiterating that the blessings were sincere, saying that she wanted a similar bike when she was older, blah blah blah.
I would have liked to say, “This is a cancer center. Did you not realize that I'm a patient? My chemo took
6 ½ hours. I'm worn out from it, plus I have an aggressive form of cancer and very little time. You jumped the line and made me wait, and then you neither apologized to me nor thanked me. Do better in the future.”
But I know that Miss Manners would not approve of that. So what could I have said? GENTLE READER » “Excuse me, I am not sure you were aware back there, but I was waiting before you.”
You cannot demand an apology, but the implication that her actions might not have been intentional gives her the chance to at least claim not to have been aware. Or not.
Miss Manners herself was once in line, someone cut in, she told them she was waiting and the line-jumper smugly replied, “I know.” She tells you this not to depress you further, but so that maybe you will not admonish yourself for staying silent. Miss Manners did. She is no more authorized to give unsolicited etiquette lessons than you are.
DEAR MISS MANNERS » Is it appropriate to send a thank-you note after a job interview?
GENTLE READER » Only if you want to make a good impression.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners. com; to her email, dearmissmanners@ gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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