Don't delay, get ready for Anti-Procrastination Day

It's one of the great scourges of mankind, but don't worry. I'm here for you.

I'm talking about procrastination — a subject

I know well. I've been a professional writer for most of my life, and writers are the kings and queens of procrastination.

Luckily, we usually do have deadlines to meet; otherwise, we'd just sit around and think about writing all day, every day, without ever actually doing anything about it.

Meanwhile, we all procrastinate over things we absolutely know we should be doing, whether it's cleaning out our garage for the first time since dinosaurs roamed the earth or calling the dentist to get our teeth cleaned.

Yeah. You know all about that. Right? I'm watching you.

And I've decided to hold an Anti-Procrastination Day. I'll give you time to get yourself mentally prepared. This one will be on Friday, Oct. 13. (Yes. Friday the 13th. Eeek.) The reason it's on a weekday is that your average doctor or dentist or financial planner doesn't work on the weekends. If necessary, you can do this on your lunch hour.

And, this time, it's a little bit different. I want you to make five calls that day that you've been putting off.

I know, I know, you're saying to yourself, “That Marla is either crazy or a sadist, because no one can make five calls like that in one day.”

But, yes, you can. I have faith in you. Start out by making a list of all the people you should call. And, yes, you do have five calls you need to make. Just start your list and they'll begin popping into your head.

Then, on Thursday, Oct. 12, I want you to look up the phone numbers of the five calls you will make and add them to the list, so things will be speedier the following day.

Then, get up Friday morning, drink your hot beverage (if you need to put some whiskey into it, this is allowed) and start dialing. You need a notepad in front of you.

What do you get when you complete this task? A deep sense of satisfaction, and membership in my Frumpy Mom Anti-Procrastination Club. No, I don't have any buttons or ribbons or bumper stickers. I'm way too cheap for that. But I will mention you by name on my official Facebook page as a member of the club (if you want me to).

In order to meet the requirements for the club, you only have to make the calls and leave a message. You don't have to actually finish the transaction if that's impossible to do the same day. If you can do it, however, even better.

Then, I want you to either email me at mfisher@scng.com or message me on my Frumpy Mom Facebook page and tell me who you called and why. (But if it involves any rashes or private parts, I don't want to know.)

That's all pretty clear, right? Once this is a monster success, I'm toying with the idea of having a Clean Out the Garage Day. What do you think?

I started making a list of the calls I have to make Oct. 13.

• Call Amazon and find out why they banned me from putting reviews on their website. Weird, huh?

• Find a new dentist who's cheaper than my old one and make an appointment to get my teeth cleaned.

• Order a new recycling bin from the city, because the lid broke off the old one.

• Call the Riverside Express Lane toll road people and find out why they haven't given me a disabled discount, as they promised.

I don't have to make as many phone calls as I once did, now that the kids are grown and their doctors won't even talk to me anyway, even if I try to call and badger information out of them.

I no longer have to call the PTA president and find out what kind of pasta I'm supposed to bring to the gathering. Gee, I really miss those calls. OK, no I don't.

But owning a home seems to involve spending 10 hours a week scheduling roof inspections and insurance updates and getting the appliance repair person to come out and give you a ridiculous estimate. Right?

My most annoying call was to a guy who sells custom fireplace screens, because I ended up having to pay $900 to have a glass screen custom-made for my fireplace, just to keep our stupid cat, Cairo the Jerk, from climbing in there and rolling in the ashes.

Seriously. $900. So the cat won't get into the fireplace. Why did I want a cat?

Anyway, let me know if you're going to do this, or just do it. Then let me know how it goes. I'll be truthful on my end. And bad luck doesn't count.