When Kindness Changes Lives
From THE WASHINGTON POST
WHEN TYRA DAMM lost her husband, Steve Damm, to brain cancer in 2009 after 15 years of marriage, her heart broke for herself and her kids, then ages four and eight. And in the opaque blur of that first year, one day stood out: his birthday.
It was the hardest day of them all, full of unbelievable grief. Almost out of desperation, she hatched a plan for Steve’s next birthday. She would use it to help people she’d never met.
On November 4, 2011, Tyra asked friends in her Texas community to perform random acts of kindness in Steve’s honor. Hundreds of people responded. A movement—and the hashtag #dammkind—was born.
Why a grieving widow, a Minnesota high school, and a Nebraska online community are devoted to helping people they’ve never met
In the years since, #dammkind has been passed along and expanded, moving people Tyra has never met to do good deeds: buying coffee or ice cream for a person in line behind them, leaving a note of gratitude and a large tip for a waiter, baking cookies for Meals on Wheels.
“November 4,” says Tyra, a 46-yearold middle school teacher and parenting columnist for the Dallas Morning News, “is my favorite day of the year.”
Doing good in her husband’s hashtagged name is a natural extension of who he was. A health-conscious marathoner, Steve was diagnosed with glioblastoma, an aggressive tumor in his brain, in 2007. He began chemotherapy while still working as an administrator at a medical clinic for underprivileged children. Tyra uses her blog not only to record the #dammkind deeds but also to spread the word about Steve. The website contains a card that people can print and give away as they perform an act of kindness. It reads, “This gift is given in memory of Steve Damm. His life was cut short by brain cancer, but his legacy continues. He loved kindness and he loved life. I’m happy to share some of that life with you.” Tyra estimates that #dammkind followers completed at least 400 acts of kindness in 2017.
After Steve died in 2009, Tyra says, she was overwhelmed by the way her neighbors in Frisco, Texas, came together to help her family with rides, meals, babysitting, and more. Repaying their support—for her and especially for her kids—helped fuel her mission.
The movement has helped the children—cooper, now 16, and Katie, 12—make positive connections as they grieve. “They don’t have the same memories I do,” Tyra says. “It’s a way for them to see what was important to Steve is still important to us.”
Some years on their dad’s birthday, the kids bake for neighbors or give out pencils to classmates. They always give their teachers a small gift.
“My hope is that their grief is comforted by the goodness of his life and not the hard reality of his death,” Tyra says. “I hope this helps keep that goodness around.”