All in a Day’s Work
A WHILE BACK, my boss discovered the motivational quote “Only in the dictionary does success come before work.” He ordered a large banner for our work area with his “improved” version of the quote. The banner, which I can see from my desk, reads: “Only in the dictionary does success come before hard work.”
Source: inc.com
SCENE: With a patient in my medical exam room
Me: How old are your kids?
Patient: Forty-four and 39 from my wife who passed away, and from my second wife, 15 and 13.
Me: That’s quite the age difference!
Patient: Well, the older ones didn’t give me any grandkids, so I made my own. MARIA MURILLO, Tustin, California
MY DAUGHTER received this e-mail from a prospective student prior to the start of the semester: “Dear Professor, I won’t be able to come to any of your classes or meet for any of the tests. Is this a problem?”
CAROL HARPER, Madison, Georgia
SPORTS ANALYSTS get paid to talk, not necessarily to make sense:
■ “I had a feeling today that Venus Williams would either win or lose.”
Tennis commentator
MARTINA NAVRATILOVA
■ “There’s nothing wrong with the car except that it’s on fire.”
Racing commentator MURRAY WALKER
■ “The wind is rushing from the player’s rear.”
Golf announcer STEVE MELNYK
■ “We haven’t had any more rain since it stopped raining.”
Tennis commentator HARRY CARPENTER
I LIKE TO lightheartedly tell my coworkers, “Don’t even talk to me until I’ve had my coffee!” And then I never get coffee. @HEYJULIAJOHNS
WHILE TALLYING UP a customer’s groceries, I sang along with the music playing over the PA system. Suddenly the customer, a sweet elderly woman, asked, “What did you do with the money?”
“What money?” I asked.
“The money your parents gave you for singing lessons.”
Source: reddit.com