All in a Day’s Work

Reader's Digest - - Contents - @ABBYCOHENWL

WE UBER DRIV­ERS never know whom we’re go­ing to end up with as a pas­sen­ger. One day, I was driv­ing over a new bridge, the de­sign of which was very con­fus­ing. Com­pletely con­founded, I mut­tered,

“I’d love to meet the ge­nius who de­signed this mess.”

With that, my pas­sen­ger ex­tended his hand in my di­rec­tion and said, “Well, to­day is your lucky day. My name is Mike, I work for the county en­gi­neer’s of­fice, and I’m the ge­nius who de­signed this!” Sur­pris­ingly, he still gave me a tip. PA­TRICK GRILLIOT, Bowl­ing Green, Ohio

SCENE: A graphic artist con­sult­ing with a client.

Client: I’m not too sure about the blue …

Me: Ac­tu­ally, that’s green.

Client: Who’s the client?

Me: You.

Client: And what color is it?

Me: … Blue?

Client: Right. Now let me see what other shades of blue we have. We set­tled on pine tree “blue.”

Source: clients­

RAN­DOM THOUGHTS from of­fice drones count­ing the hours till the week­end:

■ To­day is the one-year an­niver­sary of this six-week project.

■ I keep hop­ing they’ll put the two per­fec­tion­ists on the same project and they’ll cor­rect each other to in­fin­ity and stay out of ev­ery­one else’s way.

■ Just once I’d like to spend more time dis­cussing the project on a con­fer­ence call than we spend ask­ing “Who just joined?”

Source: meet­ing­

MY MOTHER was brows­ing in a store when a sales­woman of­fered as­sis­tance. Mom ad­mit­ted she didn’t have any­thing par­tic­u­lar in mind, and the pair started chat­ting.

The woman quickly learned that Mom was re­tired. In­ter­ested, she con­fessed that she, too, was con­sid­er­ing re­tire­ment. Mom im­me­di­ately started telling her how much she liked no longer work­ing and how the sales­woman would en­joy it too.

Fi­nally, con­vinced by Mom’s en­thu­si­asm, she asked, “How long have you been re­tired?”

Mom said, “This is my first day.”

LEE BEACHAM, Pick­ens, South Carolina

ST. PETER: Why should I let you into heaven?

Me: Once, a co­worker said “sup­pos­ably” seven times in a meet­ing, and I just let her.

St. Peter: Get in here.

“Most peo­ple use the cloud. We just stuff pa­per­work in the ceil­ing tiles.”

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