TIME TRAVEL
Dad shows kids he’s been around the block.
Dads don’t always have to speak to make their point. Sometimes they prefer showing you things to help you understand.
Occasionally after church, my father, Jim, would drive us around East Dayton through the part of town where he grew up. The neighborhood certainly wasn’t glamorous—in fact, many of the houses were dilapidated—but my father seemed to appreciate the history of those old areas.
He liked having the entire family together in the car, listening to the radio, laughing and talking. It was interesting to have these glimpses into his childhood. But he threw us for a loop during one of these drives when he pointed out 18 different houses where he’d lived! On one of the blocks, he pointed to four houses that he lived in during a four-year period while he was in grade school.
His mom, Marie, struggled to make ends meet. She took him from place to place, and each time the opportunity for a better living situation came up, she jumped at the chance. My dad would pack up his few belongings to move with her to their new temporary home.
My dad didn’t have a dresser or bed until he was a teenager. He kept his clothes folded in a box, always prepared for their next move. My grandmother cooked or cleaned in exchange for rent at some of the homes. They lived in basements, in an extra bedroom of someone’s home or in part of someone’s house. His mother was always looking for extra living space and for someone who was willing to take them in.
This had to be difficult for both of them, but I never heard my dad or my grandmother complain about how hard they had it. They were in this situation because his father left them when my dad was 3 years old. My grandfather and Dad reconnected when my dad was an adult. When my grandfather died a few years ago, the relationship between them seemed good. I’m not sure how my dad coped with his childhood situation, but I think it made him stronger and more driven when he was grown.
When Dad started taking us on these drives, we lived in an affluent suburb and had everything we needed in life. I wasn’t sure why he wanted to drive past his old temporary homes, which seemed like reminders of bad days. I thought it was merely interesting to learn about his difficult childhood.
Now that I’m a father, I’ve gained a better understanding of why my dad took the family on those drives after church. I think he wanted to remind us that the life we had didn’t just happen by chance. He wanted us to appreciate what we had and wanted to make us aware he had provided us with something he didn’t have as a kid—a spacious and comfortable home.
Through his drives, my dad showed us that not everybody was as lucky as we were. People can struggle in their lives, as he had at one point, but some obstacles can be overcome with hard work. Dad is always looking for new ways to motivate himself and to reach for better things, a lesson he’s instilled in me.
Some luck was involved, too. Exploring the old neighborhoods again was a reminder that his luck had turned.
I know there will be a day when my dad won’t be able to drive at all. I’m grateful for the chance I had to revisit his past with him when I did. •
MY FATHER SEEMED TO APPRECIATE THE HISTORY OF THOSE OLD AREAS.