FUNNY MONEY
A short, unhappy career as a clown
During my senior year at the University of Denver, I wanted to attend my fraternity’s formal, a dressy event at a resort outside Colorado Springs. I hadn’t planned ahead, and naturally, I had hardly any money to cover my costs and buy a corsage for my date.
On the bulletin board in the student union, I saw that a new service station was opening across town. The company was hiring clowns for two shifts, so I applied with one of my friends. Apparently, we were the only ones to apply, and we were both hired.
In the mid-’60s, a gas station opening was a big deal—attendants pumped the gas, checked the oil, washed the windshield and even checked the tire pressure. To celebrate the opening, customers got a set of engraved glasses when they filled up. The clowns’ job was to stand in the middle of the busy street in front of the station, waving to people and displaying the beautiful glasses.
I arrived at the station ahead of time to prepare. The company provided the clown suit and makeup, which I applied in the station’s bathroom. Putting on clown makeup is not as easy as it sounds. Without anyone to critique my makeup, I’m not sure I looked very jolly.
The first couple of hours were uneventful, except that the suit was hot, my feet ached and I felt like an idiot. With half my six-hour shift left to go, a child approached. He was 8 or 9, and he watched me quietly for a few minutes, then said, “Hey, clown, do some tricks!”
“I don’t know any tricks. Go away.”
“Not until you do some tricks.”
I glared at him and said, “Scram. Clowns can be mean, you know.” That sent him scurrying, but I felt guilty about being mean to a little kid. I made myself concentrate on the money I’d make.
Around 9, the local teenagers began cruising. At first, it was enough for them to hurl insults and snide comments, but soon the sport became trying to hit the clown with a water balloon.
Finally, my shift ended. The service station operator thought the promotion had gone very well. “Would you be able to come back tomorrow?” he asked. I made the excuse that I would have to study and departed with my hard-earned reward.