Granny and Elvis
Q: I have a big problem and need your advice. I have been on God’s green earth going on 95 years, and I do pretty well for myself. I live in my own place with my tomcat Elvis, and we have good neighbors. I also have a granddaughter (Barbara Jena) who lives around the corner. Now you might think that’s a blessing but sometimes it isn’t. She’s really getting my goat with this latest thing she has been bugging me about. You see I love bingo, and usually Barbara Jean doesn’t mind. Howsoever, she is now trying to get me to give it up. You see, Elvis got out and made a pest of himself, and BJ says I should take him to get him “fixed.” Well, if I do that, there goes my bingo money for at least a month of Sundays. Not to mention I will be on Elvis’s bad side. He is a free spirit, and I hate the thought of clipping his… wings, so to speak. Could you give me some ammo to convince BJ to back off and let an old lady play bingo in peace? I would be most grateful. I always read your column and so does BJ.
A: First, let me assure readers that this is a real submission sent by a real lady named Granny Barlow. She lives two trailers away from my Aunt Mavis.
Granny, you have been blessed with 95 good years but don’t want to forgo bingo for four little weeks? Sounds mighty selfish to me. I’m with Barbara Jean on this one.
Do the right thing for Elvis and have him neutered. He will be healthier, and you’ll get to enjoy his company more because he’ll stay closer to home. This will improve his life, not diminish the quality of it. Best of all, you’ll no longer be contributing to the unwanted kitten population and the sad endings that most of those felines face.
According to the American Veterinary Medical Association, “Every year, millions of unwanted dogs and cats, including puppies and kittens, are euthanized. The good news is that responsible pet owners can make a difference. By having your dog or cat sterilized, you will do your part to prevent the birth of unwanted puppies and kittens. Spaying and neutering prevent unwanted litters and may reduce many of the behavioral problems associated with the mating instinct.
Neutering male dogs and cats reduces the breeding instinct and can have a calming effect, making them less inclined to roam and more content to stay at home. Neutering your male pet can also lessen its risk of developing benign prostatic hyperplasia (enlarged prostate gland) and testicular cancer.
The procedure has no effect on a pet’s intelligence or ability to learn, play, work or hunt. Most pets tend to be better behaved following surgical removal of their ovaries or testes, making them more desirable companions.
Intact males are on a mission to roam, increase their territory, find a mate and fight competitors. The more your intact outdoor male fights and mates, the more he is at risk of contracting disease as well as spreading disease.
Intact males are at risk of developing certain cancers later in life. Neutering your young male will eliminate the risk of testicular cancer and greatly reduce the risk of prostate disease.”
Granny, the sooner you get Elvis “fixed” the better. There are organizations in your area that provide low-cost or no-cost neutering. Don’t allow Elvis to be at the mercy of his hormones any longer. If you choose bingo over him, you could end up being the one singing “Heartbreak Hotel.”
Send questions and comments to notyourgrannysadvice@gmail.com.