Drought may require another divine solution

Uh. Oh. Here we go again. I have been told that we are beginning to experience drought conditions in the state. Somebody needs to alert Dr. Gil Watson, the World’s Greatest Preacher. There is no question he can soon have some serious raindrops falling on our heads.

You may remember that the last time we were in a severe drought in Georgia, then-Gov. George E. Perdue had a prayer session at the state capitol and invited Dr. Gil to come pray for rain. I’m not sure why Dr. Gil was selected, but it may have had something to do with the governor’s innovative “Go Fish Georgia” program, a $23 million initiative that was created in the middle of a recession and was designed to make Georgia competitive in the 21st century global marketplace.

I’m a little hazy on the details today, but as near as I can recall, the idea was that while India and China were busy turning out engineers and scientists, Georgia DICK YARBROUGH would be teaching our next generation of leaders how to catch fish instead.

If our lakes dried up, it stood to reason that the fish would get upset and not even a visionary like George E. Perdue would be able to coax them into voluntarily biting a sharp barbed hook. Unlike engineers and scientists, fish can be very temperamental.

So Gov. Perdue invited Dr. Gil to come to the Capitol and pray for rain and thereby keep “Go Fish Georgia” afloat. That was a smart move. It is a known fact that God likes Dr. Gil a lot and is inclined to do whatever he asks. God also likes women preachers and doesn’t like us carrying guns to church, but that is a subject for another day.

A gaggle of atheists got their politicallycorrect shorts in a wad and protested the fact that someone was going to (gasp!) pray on government property. They shouldn’t have bothered. Another known fact is that God doesn’t pay them any more attention than do the rest of us.

It should come as no surprise that once Dr. Gil Watson, the World’s Greatest Preacher, got through praying, it started raining and soon our lakes and rivers and even Gov. George E. Perdue’s fish ponds were replenished.

Now, it looks like we could be facing another dry spell in Georgia. The decision on what to do about it is now in the hands of Gov. Nathan Deal. Gov. Deal is a devout Baptist but I wouldn’t be surprised if he Staff graphic

Of the readers who responded to our most recent poll about which local high school team is going to do well this year, 38 percent said Model, 23 percent said Pepperell, 16 percent said Rome, 13 percent said Darlington, 6 percent said Coosa, and 4 percent said Armuchee. Poll results reflect only the opinions of those who chose to participate. hasn’t already put Dr. Gil Watson, a cardcarrying Methodist, on his speed-dial so he can get this drought over and done with.

That would give the governor more time to concentrate on other matters, such as the upcoming constitutional amendment on Opportunity School Districts. If the amendment is approved by Georgia voters in November, it would allow the state to take control of low-performing schools, which Gov. Deal favors and which almost everybody involved in public education doesn’t.

The governor’s argument is that the status quo isn’t working and something different needs to be done. The opposition’s argument is that if the state would spend more time trying fix the things that are wrong with our society, that would likely fix the things that are wrong with our schools and then we wouldn’t need a constitutional amendment. I think God is going to let us work this one out for ourselves.

If the earthly powers-that-be want a divine solution on how to break this drought, they had better get hold of Dr. Gil Watson, the World’s Greatest Preacher, sooner rather than later. The man has a lot on his plate. Fort Oglethorpe police receive complaints of ‘creepy’ clowns 1 killed, 3 injured in wreck on Booger Hollow Road Gas hard to find; help us tell folks on Facebook who has fuel 1 dead after Sunday afternoon wreck in Gordon County Former Calhoun student accused of first-degree rape in Alabama Floyd County police officer life flighted to Atlanta hospital Gordon County sheriff investigating death of toddler GBI agent: Couple continued to solicit funds after warning Woman rear-ends recycling truck The infamous ‘Peggy Snead’ excerpt from Past Times the 1960s 46,358 views 29,286 views 24,371 views 19,319 views 16,083 views 11,259 views 8,140 views 6,485 views 3,353 views 3,284 views

Iam using one, and only one, criteria to decide who I will vote for this election season: Any candidate I receive a “robocall” from will not receive my vote.

The practice of robocalling was developed in 1994 by the political consulting duo of John Winger and Russell Ziskey. Fearful that the candidate they were representing would actually win, the tandem came up with the concept of robocalling in the following conservation:

Ziskey: “What can we do to annoy all the voters so bad they won’t vote for our candidate?”

Winger: “I don’t know. Let’s think of things that are annoying.”

Ziskey: “Oh, okay, how about telemarketing? Everybody hates it when telemarketers call their house.”

Winger: “Good idea, Russ. Write that one down. Alright, what else is really annoying? What do most people hate?”

Ziskey: “What we do — political spin and lies and distortions.”

Winger: “Bingo! Now, what else? What else do people find annoying?”

Ziskey: “The voice of Gilbert Gottfried?? Fingernails being dragged across a chalkboard? The hosts of that ‘Funniest Home Videos’ show making lame jokes when they should be showing funny videos?”

Winger: “Whoa, whoa. Hold it, tiger. Let’s just stick to the telemarketing and political spin and have Gilbert Gottfried record the calls. That should be enough to absolutely destroy our candidate’s credibility and any goodwill with the voters.”

And thus, another inherently flawed political advertising movement was born.

In addition to being highly effective at agitating and alienating likely voters, these robocalls can also prove quite embarrassing. Me: “Hello.” Phone: “Hello, did you realize (name of some candidate) had a high school History teacher who was once caught reading Pravda in an airport?”

Me: “What? Who is this? And who...”

Phone: (interrupting me) “Yes he did. Do you want a Marxist representing you?”

Me: “Well, no, but I don’t know what...”

Phone: (interrupting me again) That’s why you need to vote for...”

At this point, I realize I am not talking to an actual person, but rather an automated robocall. I hang up in disgust.

“Len, who was that on the phone?”

Um, now I’m in a predicament. My wife heard me carrying on a conversation. If I admit it was a robocall, I look like a fool. If I say it was a telemarketer, she’ll know I am lying because I didn’t give out my credit card number. The only recourse is my old, reliable “Wrong number.”

“Ahem,” she responded, obviously knowing I was duped again by the evil robocall.

At this rate, I won’t ever even have to vote.

Go candidates!