Boyfriend’s belittling sister makes woman feel small
Dear Abby: I’ve been with my boyfriend, “Jake,” for two years. We are both 32. Since the beginning, his sister, “Michelle” (who is 26), has never liked me. Jake admits there’s no reason for it. He thinks she’s just looking out for him because he’s had bad relationships in the past.
Michelle makes me very uncomfortable during family events by making rude comments, and she makes a point of excluding me from any event she is hosting. She has told people that I “shoved her” and accuses me of refusing to let her talk to her brother. Neither is true.
I have asked Jake to ask his sister to apologize and make amends, but he insists she’ll do it when “hell freezes over.” He thinks I should try to make amends even though I have never done JEANNE PHILLIPS DEAR ABBY
anything wrong.
I’m at a loss. I don’t think I should apologize for something I’ve never done. Abby, she has belittled me in any encounter we’ve had. The rest of the family shrugs and says, “That’s just the way she is.” Michelle has never liked any of Jake’s girlfriends, so this seems to be a pattern for her. I’m afraid it will eventually lead to the end of Jake’s and my relationship.
I love him very much, and I wish he could see my side on this. Could you please give me some advice, Abby? -- Not My Fault In Alberta, Canada
Dear Not My Fault: Michelle’s fixation on her brother isn’t normal or healthy. That Jake has been willing to tolerate it and not warn her to knock it off means that as long as you are with him, you will be subjected to her mistreatment. You may love Jake, but as long as he is under the thumb of his jealous and possessive sister, you will continue to be abused and ma-ligned. My advice is to cut your losses.