Everyone has to go sometime
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Everyone has to go eventually. And sometimes, the urge to purge yourself of bodily fluids comes in the most inconvenient of places — while you are on your way somewhere else, away from the safe and comfortable confines of your favorite bathroom.
But finding a decent restroom while on the road doesn’t have to be a hassle.
For the past 10 years, I have been conducting a research study on this topic, visiting restroom facilities throughout this nation.
Thus, I present The Robbins Bathroom Report, to assist those who, for far too long, have had to play a cruel guessing game when searching for a proper bathroom facility.
Below are the report’s rankings, using my own, original grading scale. The grading scale goes from A to F, with A being the best, and F being the worst. Hospitals – A+ When I was in college, a friend and I were traveling home when my navigator signaled the intense need for a bathroom. I attempted to pull into a convenience store.
“No, no,” he objected. “Take me to a hospital.”
This friend was notoriously finicky, even in the most dire of states, and would only relieve himself in the most cleanly of places. He later told me that hospitals have crack janitorial staffs that almost always keep the bathrooms spotless and sanitary. Airports – B+ This recommendation comes with a qualifier: The smaller the airport, the better. And this ranking could be rather distorted by the Fort Smith, Arkansas airport, which has the most luxurious public restrooms in the world. Hotels – BUnlike hospitals, which get high marks across the board, the quality of a hotel public restroom is often determined by the quality of the inn itself. Cuz’s Stay-A-Night-or-Hour is not as likely to be as immaculate as a Westin. Most of the well-known chains are a good bet, though. Fast-food restaurants – CA dicey lot. If the manager is behind the counter, chances are, the bathrooms are adequate. But don’t count on any privacy. Warning: The bathroom doors at Krystal are about a foot wide – hardly navigable after upsizing a meal there. Convenience stores – D+ An even larger gamble. As a former participant in the convenience store arts, I know the person that is selling you the convenience store hot dog is often the same person scrubbing the toilets – not a licensed custodian. In someone else’s yard - F This is not recommended. For some odd reason, people don’t particularly appreciate strangers using their yard as a toilet, and often use firearms to illustrate their dissatisfaction.