Rome News-Tribune

Clueless is worse than forgetful

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The Battle of Hastings was fought in 1066. Rico Petrocelli played third base for the Boston Red Sox in 1975. Carl Yastrzemsk­i won baseball’s triple crown in 1967.

Legendary baseball pitcher Cy Young both won and lost more games than any other pitcher.

In trigonomet­ry, sine is opposite over hypotenuse, cosign is adjacent over hypotenuse and tangent is opposite over adjacent.

The visible color spectrum is red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet.

I am able to pretty much recite such useless tidbits of informatio­n — OK history, math and science teachers, give me a break. I don’t REALLY need to know any of the above — yet I can’t remember my wife’s cellphone number or what I had for breakfast.

For the most part, I have to assume this is part of the normal aging process coupled with just too many bits of informatio­n to process.

About a week ago I was getting abused on the tennis court at Etowah Park. I drove home, and when I got out of my elegant 1994 Pathfinder I noticed my cellphone was on the roof of the vehicle.

Did I JUST put it there and forgot I did it, or did I put it there at the park and then drove home to my palatial Robin Hood Road home? MIKE COLOMBO Illustrati­on by Lee Field, RN-T

When I noticed my wallet was not in my pocket, I had a real, real bad feeling. Yes, you know the one.

I drove back to the courts and asked my buddies if anyone had seen my wallet. Nope. Then I drove along Kingston Road looking. First, I saw a business card. I stopped and walked along the road. I found my wallet and all of its important contents.

So what I did when I first left Etowah Park was put my wallet and cellphone on the top of my vehicle and then drove away. I know, right??!!! A few years ago I was renting a movie from one of those kiosks. For some reason, I put my credit card on top of the kiosk. Why did I do that? Who knows?

When I got home, I realized I left it there. I raced back to the kiosk and, voila, it was still there. Big sigh of relief.

I still don’t know where my keys are. They have been missing for two weeks. I think I left them at my sister-in-law’s house, but she has seen no sign of them. I’m beginning to worry about myself. Mrs. Colombo made me feel better by telling me I am simply a man with very poor repetitive habits instead of sliding down the road of dementia.

She has a point. Sunday, yes tomorrow, is our 34th wedding anniversar­y. She knows me well, good habits (few) and bad habits (many).

She remembered a day years ago when apparently I called her to say I mysterious­ly found red paint on my shoes. She pointed out that she knew that already because I had tracked it through the house after I spilled a can. I didn’t even notice.

I also have an issue with dresser and kitchen drawers. Often I don’t close them all the way. Why? I have no idea. Simply put, it’s not a habit for me. I have to think to myself “close that drawer.” It’s just so hard.

Much of this can be cured by simply paying attention to what I am doing instead of worrying about what I think I am going to do.

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