From gospel music to Rhodes Scholars

It doesn’t completely fill my bucket, but it is a darned good plank. Sometime ago, I opined about wanting to meet Bill and Gloria Gaither, who are to Southern gospel music what Rembrandt is to oil painting — the best.

That would just about complete my bucket list which includes shooting the breeze with (pre-Twitter) presidents in the Oval Office; running the Olympic torch (twice); serving as president of the University of Georgia national alumni association; having a painting of mine hanging at the state Capitol and playing golf at the Old Course at St. Andrews.

All good bucket material, but not Gaitheresque. Lo and behold, it turns out that loyal readers Jane and Michael Cox of Dunwoody are good friends with the Gaithers, have talked to them and tell me it will happen. In the meantime, Bill Gaither has sent me an autographed book on the roots of Southern gospel music. I am heaven-bound . ...

A personal message for Oconee County Sheriff Scott Berry: Please stick to law enforcement and leave the comedy stuff to me. Your Facebook posts are so entertaining that you are making me nervous. DICK YARBROUGH I might be forced to go get a real job. During the recent snowstorm that hit much of the state, Sheriff Berry encouraged citizens to stay off the roads, saying, “If a deputy is directing you to not travel down a roadway, he or she probably has a good reason for doing so. The fact that you are from Wisconsin and say ‘this ain’t s—-’ is really not pertinent.” And then this: “I know you need cigarettes, beer and wine to get you through having your kids at home. Can you just do without for a day? Stay home.” This guy is good . ...

At the risk of biting the hand that feeds me, I find too many media opinion-makers too predictable. They are either all in for Donald Trump or all out. All the time. How boring. I would rather have you have to read a few paragraphs to find out who I am about to skewer, be it the Georgia Baptist Convention lobbyist who says toting a gun to church is a “sanctity of life” issue — forget that New Testament stuff about “turn the other cheek” — or the head-banging cretins in the NFL (is it still around?) who dishonor their country while making more money in a year playing an irrelevant kid’s game than a schoolteacher will earn in a career. And I’ve only just begun . ...

Former state senator and current Republican gubernatorial candidate Hunter Hill is touting term limits as a part of his platform. Guess what? We already have term limits. They are called elections and We the Unwashed decide who serves and for how long. A major downside to term limits is that it put tremendous power into the hands of bureaucrats who are not elected. Most politicians will tell you they find it challenging enough to deal with all the bureaucratic red tape in government, Staff graphic

Of the readers who responded to our most recent poll about whether the school systems have done a good job dealing with winter weather, 68 percent said Yes; 13 percent said Partially; 15 percent said No; and 4 percent said No opinion. Poll results reflect only the opinions of those who chose to participate. even after having been in office for a while. Bureaucrats would eat termlimited legislators for lunch . ...

Speaking of Hill, his departure from the Legislature means one less advocate for cut-and-run public school policy, although I am sure someone will pop up to take his place and push for more tax credits to attend private schools. Just what our state needs: More money siphoned out of the state treasury.

The Georgia Budget and Policy Institute estimates that the dozen tax breaks lawmakers approved late in the 2017 session will cost the state treasury roughly $483 million over the next five years. That is almost a half-billion dollars sucked out of the budget. Guess that means we can’t fix what ails Georgia’s public schools. We just don’t have the money in the budget. No wonder . ...

Finally, in the Whatever-Floats-YourBoat department: The athletic supporters at You-Know-Where Institute of Technology are exulting on social media over Georgia’s overtime loss to Alabama in the national championship. Bless their hearts. Their football team went 5-6, got their butts kicked by the Bulldogs, 38-7 and couldn’t even qualify for one of the several hundred made-for-TV bowl games. To make matters worse, their basketball team was waxed by UGA, 80-59 earlier this season. Look for them to start playing the academics card, for which I have a two-word response: Rhodes Scholars. We have a whole lot more of them than you do. Woof! Woof! 7,480 views 6,470 views 3,488 views 3,448 views 3,375 views 2,710 views 2,632 views 2,618 views 2,559 views 2,235 views

As my teachers from grades 1-to-12 can attest, I am no scientist. My most noted scientific accomplishment during my schooling was getting a “C” on my sixthgrade science project: “Why are Draculas Scared of Garlic?”

And while I don’t understand anything scientific, I do understand that I have needs, and sometimes, science meets them — like when science developed the remote control, or microwave bacon, or Netflix.

Lately, I have found a new need that science has completely ignored — night vision.

I’m sure we’ve all experienced the folly of stumbling in the dark, stubbing our toes, looking for an ill-placed light switch to illuminate us in the darkness. Or driven miles in the evening without any headlights on. Or woken up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, not being able to find the light switch, then mistakenly urinating in the closet.

I haven’t, but I’m sure others have, and I smell their pain.

One thing I’ve noticed lately is that my cat has no issue walking around in the dark. He has no problem finding me in bed at 3 a.m. when he wants something to eat. Further research shows that cats have a form of night vision. According to magazine, which is where I receive all my scientific news and stock tips: “Cat eyes have a tapetum lucidum, which reflects any light that passes through the retina back into the eye, thereby increasing the eye’s sensitivity to dim light.”

Not being a scientist, I have no idea what that means. I’m assuming it means cats can see at night.

So, if cats can see well at night, basically having night vision, why can’t humans? Why hasn’t science put two and two together for mankind and given humans night vision?

Think of the practical applications. First, it would save a bundle on the light bill if I didn’t have to go through the laborious process of flipping a light switch up every time I entered a room at night. Secondly, I wouldn’t have to remember to turn the car lights on when I drove at night. And I could also play golf after midnight.

From what I’ve seen in military operations and “Revenge of the Nerds,” there are night vision goggles you can wear, but that’s not what I’m talking about. What I’d like is for science to take whatever makes cats have night vision — that taped lucidity thing mentioned in

and putting it in human eyeballs so we can have night vision. And I’d rather it not be in the form of a contact lens, of which I’m afraid, or surgery. While I’m making demands, I’d prefer to receive night vision the way I prefer all my medications — in the form of a Gummy Bear.

C’mon, science, the time for natural human night vision is long overdue.

So, if you know a scientist, please forward this plea/command to them at once. Or if you’re a scientist, and you’re reading this, you have already wasted enough time — get to work! We only have so many toes.