Wife asks how to rehain the spark that has gone out in her marriage

Dear Abby: My husband and I have been together for almost 20 years. With every year that passes, I fall more in love with him. He’s a wonderful person who treats me very well. I could go on and on about how caring and considerate he is. However, when it comes to being intimate, I’m just not interested. I have known him for so long and know him so well that, for me, the “spark” is extinguished. In some ways, he almost feels like a brother, which makes it difficult to have sexual feelings.

I tell him many times a day that I love him, because I do. I want him to know he’s my best friend and I care deeply about him. We have tried role playing, games, sexy clothing, etc. — nothing helps me. I go through the motions when I must, because I know it is one of the ways he expresses his love for me. I don’t want to be with anyone else. I just want to know how I can feel excited about being intimate again. Any advice you can give would be greatly appreciated.

— Extinguished

Sparks

Dear Extinguished: My suggestion would be to have a frank talk with your OB/GYN about this, and ask for a referral to an endocrinologist — a doctor who specializes in hormones.

If, after a checkup, your hormone balances are what they should be, some sessions with a psychologist for you — and a sex therapist for both of you — might relight the spark that has fizzled. It’s worth a try.

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