Getting chores done
It seems like there is a never ending list of chores to be done and on top of having to motivate ourselves to take action on them, we also have the very difficult task of getting children to take on their share of the responsibility.
“How do I get my kids to ?” is one of the most common questions we hear at the Exchange Club Family Resource Center. As parents, we want and need kids to do certain things around the house. We need them to get up and ready for school on time, get to bed on time, pick up their rooms, feed the animals, do their homework, etc. Luckily, parents have a few tricks up their sleeves to get the job done!
The first trick involves the faithful kitchen timer. Timers not only keep smoke from coming out of your oven as you cook dinner, they can keep smoke from coming out of your ears! Timers are great tools in the parenting arsenal. They track the amount left in timeout and help make chores more manageable and fun. How does it work? First divide the task into small segments, e.g., “pick up toys and put in the toy box” or “put all the crayons in the box.” Then, set the timer and simply race the clock. A variation includes “Who can pick up and put away 10 things before the timer goes off?” No prizes are necessary, though high-fives and laughs are generally appreciated. We encourage parents to get in on the fun, too. Those five minutes of “quick” chores are ideal times for modeling how you want a job to be done and for simply engaging with your child.
Timers are even handy for older children who tend to say, “I’ll get to that later.” Set the timer and when it dings, start the task. This can provide a reasonable transition for children who are engaged in one activity and have difficulty switching gears. For kids who tend to ignore the timer though, you’ll need another trick up your sleeve: choices and consequences.
Simply put, choices and consequences are life lessons. While we don’t want children to learn all lessons the hard way, you would never let them walk in front of a moving car to learn that they should look both ways before crossing the street, there is some benefit in learning that actions or lack of actions carry consequences. If we use our cleaning example again, we might set the timer for 15 minutes with the understanding that the room will be picked up and dusted when the timer goes off. If your child takes action, then express your appreciation. But if the timer is ignored, it will
be time to give a choice. One example might be, “Our agreement was that you would pick up the room and dust when the timer went off. Please do this now. If you choose not to honor our agreement, you choose to lose TV time until the chore is completed.” An alternative might be, “If you choose not to do the chore, then I will have to complete the work … and I charge for such work.” That “charge” might mean there is no dessert after supper or that an actual fine is deducted from allowance.
Of course, the hardest part of using the choices and consequences trick lies in our ability to be silent and follow through. We must be willing to set the expectations, set the timer and get out of the way. This means no nagging, no sticking your head in the door and asking why they are still in front of the TV, no pleading and no yelling. We must follow through with the consequence, even if they give excuses and even if we feel rotten that they can’t have a piece of their favorite pie after supper. The other important part of this is making a commitment to not hold past mistakes over your child’s head. This means that the next time you need the chore completed, set the expectations, set the timer, get out of the way and don’t lecture them on their past poor choice. It may take a few times of facing the consequences for your child to learn that you mean business.
Perhaps the most powerful trick up our sleeves is that of praise and appreciation. I once knew a family who had the action part of chores down pat. They would give the chore and the children would do the work. But I also saw the looks of disappointment on the children’s faces when the chores were done and no one said “Thanks” or “Good job.” Catch your children doing right and give them the kind of praise that works best for them, whether that means being bragged on to someone else or hugged or receiving a high-five. Catch them doing good. Catch them meeting your expectations and let them know you appreciate them.
Yes, it pays to have tricks up our sleeves as parents. Thinking ahead, setting clear expectations, staying calm, being consistent and expressing words of thanks are some of the most powerful “tricks” of all!
Tina Bartleson is the executive director of the Exchange Club Family Resource Center, which provides in-home parent education and mentoring to families with children 0-12 years. She has 29 years experience working with families and may be contacted through www.exchangeclubfrc.org.