Bully in the church choir prevents former member from singing again

Dear Abby: I will soon be retiring from a lay position in my church. As a former member of the choir, I’m being urged to return to it, which appeals to me. My problem is a member who has caused trouble in the past for me with lies and criticism.

She is a very negative bully. In the past, she poisoned my ability to worship, and I want as little to do with her as possible. I’m afraid if I rejoin the choir, the situation will continue.

I don’t want to upset the other choir members who are good, supportive friends, but I no longer want to have to put up with her. She’s very hard to ignore.

Any suggestions?

— Singing A New Tune

In Canada

Dear Singing: If you haven’t already done so, discuss this with the priest/pastor of your church.

Explain how the woman’s bullying and rumor spreading have affected you and ask for guidance. If she’s the one sour note in the choir, it is possible she has done the same thing to others.

Dear Abby: Despite gastric bypass years ago, my wife is still very heavy. I’m no longer attracted to her, yet she is my best friend. I have thought about leaving her. In a few years, I will be too old to pay alimony. However, even then, because where we live is so expensive, I would have to move out of state.

— Unsure In The West

Dear Unsure: Before making any decisions based on the assumption that you won’t have to see that your wife is provided for financially, discuss this with an attorney.

Because you don’t want to move away or lose your best friend, you may have to accept that your wife has serious issues with food.