Husband’s attention has become focused on couple’s grandchild

Dear Abby: My husband, “Doug,” and I have had a long and happy marriage.

We’ve raised two children, both of whom are doing well in life. I have much to be thankful for, but I keep having to remind myself of that because I’m having trouble adjusting to my changing relationship with my husband.

We have a grandson. The boy has become the focus of my husband’s world. Because of that, Doug no longer wants to do things with me.

He says he has too much to do or he is too tired to go out, so I go to social events by myself.

In fact, I do everything by myself. If our grandson calls, though, Doug has all the energy in the world.

I try to interact with the two of them, but when I do, I feel like a third wheel. Doug no longer compliments me and is rarely interested in being intimate. I have worked hard to take good care of myself, and I try to look nice for him every day. He doesn’t notice.

I’m actually starting to resent my grandson — something I never thought would happen.

Do I just carry on and hope things get better? If I should talk to Doug now, how do I do it without sounding petty and immature?

— Married, But Lonely

Dear M.B.L.: Something has gone wrong with your marriage. It appears your husband is using your grandson as a way to buffer himself from you. “Too tired” and “too busy” are excuses, not reasons.

If discussing this with him doesn’t change things, then it’s time to talk to a marriage and family therapist — or a clergyperson, if you have one — about what has been going on.