Sister is jealous after sibling makes changes to bring happiness to life

Dear Abby: I recently lost a lot of weight and finally felt confident enough to start dating. I met a wonderful man I’ll call “Teddy.” We’ve been together for eight months, and I can see a future with him. He has some quirks with intimacy that he’s working on and a few odd habits he is trying to break. I have my own eccentricities as well, but we are doing it together.

The problem is my sister. Ever since I started losing weight and trying to improve myself, she has become incredibly jealous. She has taken to making backhanded comments as often as she can. We had a huge fight where we didn’t talk for two months because she thought I had “changed too much.” The real reason was I wouldn’t let her borrow a super expensive dress of mine.

I used to spend every weekend at her house hanging out with her. I would do her grocery shopping, lend her anything she wanted and defer to her because I was lonely. But now I spend most weekends with Teddy generally enjoying my life. She seems bitter that I no longer let her walk over me like a doormat. She keeps saying I should break up with Teddy so I can prioritize her again, and she tries to start fights between Teddy and me.

Abby, my sister is married and has a kid. She doesn’t need me around so she won’t be lonely. I don’t want to cut her off because I love my nephew and would like to be part of his life. I also don’t want to have to choose between my family and having a life that doesn’t revolve around them. Please help me.

— Changing My Life

Dear Changing: If your description is accurate, you exist in your sister’s universe only to fulfill her needs. What you must do is establish firm boundaries with her.