Woman doesn’t have the patience to help friend navigate her grief

Dear Abby: My friend “Kate” has had a lot of trauma in her life, and she feels things very deeply. She has experienced assault, the suicide of a friend, the death of family members, discovered she can’t have children, and managed to escape an abusive relationship, all in the last five years or so.

Kate does all the things people are supposed to do when coping with grief and is doing very well.

The problem is me. I find it hard to be around her because of all the drama. Intellectually, I understand none of this is Kate’s fault. She isn’t being attentionseeking or deliberately causing drama. But I find myself becoming impatient with her ongoing discussion of feelings. I’m not someone who feels deeply or is easily traumatized. Bad things happen, I get over it and move on. How can I learn to be the patient, caring friend she needs?

— Trying to be a Better Friend

Dear Trying: Quit being so hard on yourself. You are and have been a good friend. It’s important that you not allow Kate’s burdens to “sink” you. The two of you are very different people, and you should explain that to her as you have to me.

Dear Abby: I’ve been married five years, and I just discovered that my husband still has several text messages from his late wife. He thinks I shouldn’t be upset about it. Am I wrong for asking him to delete them?

— Feeling Betrayed in

the South

Dear Feeling Betrayed: Yes, you are! Do not compete with a deceased spouse.

Hanging on to mementoes is a way many people grieve. If the texts hold significance for him, let him have them.