A test most men will fail miserably
Adisgruntled reader recently forwarded the following to me.
I have edited it a good bit, taking out parts that weren’t fit for printing in a family newspaper, and also inserting parts that aren’t fit for printing in a family newspaper.
If you find it offensive, sexist, or not funny, I accept no responsibility. If you think it’s hilarious, I take full credit.
Basically, the below is a quiz that measures how well men are treating their special lady friend, using an easy-to-follow point system of merit/demerit that I don’t understand at all. You will be graded at the end of class. SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed ... +1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows ... 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets ... -1
You leave the toilet seat up ... -5 You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty ... 0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex ... -1
You check out a suspicious noise at night ... 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing ... 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something ... +5 You pummel it with a six iron ... +10 It’s a plant ... -40 AT THE PARTY You stay by her side the entire party ... 0 You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy ... -2 Named Tiffany ... -4
HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her birthday ... 0 You buy a card and flowers ... 0 You take her out to dinner ... 0
You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar ... +1
OK, it is a sports bar ... -2
And it’s all-you-can-eat night ... -3 It’s a sports bar, it’s all-you-can-eat night and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team ... -10 A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS Go with a pal ... 0
The pal is happily married ... +1 The pal is single ... -7
He drives a Corvette ... -10 A NIGHT OUT WITH HER You take her to a movie ... +2 You take her to a movie she likes ... +4 You take her to a movie you hate ... +6 You take her to a movie you like ... -2 It’s called “Death Cop 3” ... -3 Which features Cyborgs that eat humans ... -9
YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable pot belly ... -15 You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it ... +10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts ... -30
You say, “It doesn’t matter, you have one too.” ... -800
THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, “Does this dress make me look fat?”
You hesitate in responding ... -10 You reply, “No, I think it’s your butt.” ... -100
Any other response ... -20 COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem: You listen, displaying concern ... 0 You listen, for over 30 minutes ... +5 You relate to her problem and share a similar experience ... +50
Your mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying “Well, what do you think I should do?” ... -50
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV ... +100
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep ... -200
I think I failed. How about you?