Columnist Tina Bartleson: We are tied to one another as human beings
Ihave, of course, known this for a very long time but have been hit between the eyes this week by the fact that our lives are intertwined with one another.
The lesson was driven home for me in part because I finished reading “The Five People You Meet in Heaven” by Mitch Albom. My husband picked it up from a book sale at the Sara Hightower Library a few months back. For the grand price of $1, I was taken on a journey into the beautiful story about Eddie. (Spoiler Alert)
Eddie dies. Eddie gets to meet five people that he either impacted on Earth or whose lives impacted him. Some of the connections weren’t readily visible in his lifetime, yet he was impacted in ways he didn’t understand.
In the book, the five people help him make sense of the life he lived here on Earth. Through their story-telling,
Eddie comes to realize the reasons behind the actions of others and the reason for the dark shadow that sometimes clouds his mind and days. He comes to understand the meaning of his own narrative. Most of all, he learns none of us are alone.
This story is wonderful yet, of course, could be considered a tragedy. The tragedy is that Eddie couldn’t put aside his own perceptions and misconceptions about others and or himself while here on Earth.
This is not to say that Eddie’s life was not good or was without meaning. His life did have meaning and he impacted other people in good ways. But I think it is safe to say that he made himself a prisoner at times and limited his own opportunities ... all because he could not see past his own self or limiting beliefs.
We are sometimes like Eddie. Perhaps we can take some of the sayings from some great teachers and learn the lessons of the five people ourselves.
1) Seek first to understand and then to be understood. Stephen Covey coined this phrase and it offers wisdom as we seek to communicate effectively with others. Certainly, our own needs and wishes are important — but so too are the needs and wishes of those around us. I think sometimes that we forget to do this, at least I do. I sense that this is the reason we have such a hard time with compromise. We forget that we must first come to understand the challenges, problems, and circumstances of other people. We might then be able to take a different perspective and be willing to work hard at finding solutions. “Seek first to understand” means that we can work for solutions with a
spirit of compassion and humanity.
2) Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
This is from the Bible, of course, and it too is a hard lesson to follow. To practice this one means we must put ourselves in the shoes of the other person and solve the issues as if the problem was our own. This rule is about kindness. It is also about sacrifice. Following this guidance means we must use our manners and also practice generosity.
3) “Sometimes you just have to pick up and start from where you are and move forward. All you can do is just put one foot in front of the other.” My mom is the source for this one. There are times that life throws challenges our way and people make mistakes. Sometimes the only thing we can do is just move forward anyway. In “The 5 Love Languages,” Gary Chapman adds this: “I am amazed by how many individuals mess up every new day with yesterday.” It is easy to hold grudges. Yet grudges become heavier each day we carry them. And those grudges limit possibilities. Sometimes all we can do is to start over and continue forward.
Finally perhaps one of the best ways we can learn the lessons of the five people while here on Earth is to ask for help.
Eddie experienced a lot of hurt in his life and he didn’t ask for help. He kept silent. He kept silent as his father before him kept silent. And it was the silence that broke hearts.
Sometimes, we think that we should be above pain or above asking for help from others. As if we should be so strong. Let us remember that there are others standing beside us and within an arm’s reach of us who would most likely move mountains to help if they knew we hurt. Asking for help is how we move through the storm. Asking for help is how we open up new possibilities.
As we move forward in the coming week, let us look around to see — really see — the people in our world. Let us listen to the stories of others, be kind, practice understanding, and move forward. Let us lean on one another for support and remember that our lives are intertwined. For we all impact the other.