Family does not respect family’s privacy after they buy family home

Dear Abby: Two years ago, my mother-in-law moved into a nursing home and was very sad to be leaving the house she had lived in for 50 years. My husband, devastated at the thought of someone else owning his childhood home, convinced me to sell our house and buy the house from my motherin-law. We moved in and began renovating it with the intention that it would become our forever home.

The problem is, everyone regards it as THEIR home, not ours. His adult children, his brother and his nieces all come and go as they please. I have talked to my husband about locking the front door, but he often forgets.

His family members come into our house and make a mess or eat our food or sit out on our deck. Then they act like I need to accept it, as it’s their family house. I could maybe understand if we had inherited the house, but we pay the mortgage on it. I’m out of patience. How do I get my in-laws to once and for all see that this house is not theirs but ours?

— Desperate in the

Midwest

Dear Desperate: I assume you have been hesitant to tell these in-laws that the names on the deed to the house are yours and your husband’s.

If you haven’t said it plainly, the time to do it is now.

You don’t have to be nasty, but you do have to convey that you would like guests to call before coming over to be sure it’s convenient. This is not too much to ask.

It goes without saying (I sincerely hope) that they shouldn’t mess the place up or help themselves to your food uninvited. Your husband should back you up on this. Because he sometimes forgets to lock the door, that responsibility is one you will have to assume. You have my sympathy.