Reader reaches out to offer advice to widower who is struggling with grief

Dear Abby: Your advice to the grieving widower “In Need of Someone” (June 22) was spot on. I met my husband when I was 14. We married at 18, and he died when he was 44. After his death, I had no idea how to be a person because I had always been a partner.

In the early years, I cried every day and was searching, like “In Need,” to fill that empty spot in my life.

Then one day, I started figuring out what to do about the other holes in my life.

I had not been the breadwinner, so my income was poverty-level. I had no college and not a lot of work experience. I knew if I was going to be able to keep my house and put my kids in college, I had to work on these other holes. In the process of school, working three jobs and keeping up with life, I realized I had never thought about what was important to ME.

Over the years I have seen several close friends lose partners and go through exactly what “In Need” and I have experienced. Your advice is so true. Volunteer. Get a parttime job doing something you like or a job that will just give you someone to talk to.

Go to a support group, go to a church, but do not get into a serious relationship, because if you do, you will go from one dependent situation to another. Every person I know who went right into another relationship later regretted it. The new person is not your lost partner, never will be and will never measure up. Go into a relationship only if you are willing to let the past go and are willing to change YOU.

Be open to another opinion and a new lifestyle.

— Shelly in Illinois

Dear Shelly: Thank you for sharing the important life lessons you have learned.