HOROSCOPE
ARIES
(March 21 to April 19)
This is a fabulous day to enjoy the company of friends or to schmooze with groups. Keep in mind that whatever you do, people will benefit you!
TAURUS
(April 20 to May 20)
Today something magnificent might occur to make you feel proud. This could be praise, a raise, a promotion or a chance to enjoy something special that is important to you.
GEMINI
(May 21 to June 20)
A wonderful opportunity to travel, get further education, take a course or explore avenues in publishing and the media might fall in your lap today. Good stuff!
CANCER
(June 21 to July 22)
Keep your pockets open, because today financial transactions will benefit you. You might receive money, wealth or favors from others, including banks and companies. Not too shabby.
LEO
(July 23 to Aug. 22)
Relations with partners and close friends are joyful and mutually rewarding today. You will love talking to others, and they will love talking to you.
VIRGO
(Aug. 23 to Sept. 22)
This is a great day to boost your health or do something to improve your job or your chance of getting a job. Doors will open for you! Work-related travel will appeal.
LIBRA
(Sept. 23 to Oct. 22)
This is a fun-loving day! The reason for this is that you feel good about yourself and you feel happy to relate to others. Children will be a source of joy. Social diversions and sports are rewarding.
SCORPIO
(Oct. 23 to Nov. 21)
This is a marvelous day to entertain at home or to explore real-estate possibilities. Relations with family members will be warm and rewarding.
SAGITTARIUS
(Nov. 22 to Dec. 21)
Today you feel upbeat and positive about your future. This is why you will enjoy talking to neighbors, siblings and relatives. You will learn something new today.
CAPRICORN
(Dec. 22 to Jan. 19)
This is an excellent day for financial negotiations of any kind. It will be easy for you to attract money and wealth to you today. Nice!
AQUARIUS
(Jan. 20 to Feb. 18)
Today you feel upbeat, happy and generous to others. This is a good thing, because what goes around comes around, which is fun when it applies to generosity and kindness.
PISCES
(Feb. 19 to March 20)
Something might happen today that enriches your spiritual appreciation of life. In fact, appreciation is the key word. Possibly it’s a secret.
Whether you read these words before or after Presidents’ Day 2021, be advised that I’m already thinking ahead to Presidents’ Day 2071.
If you get your jollies reading about the only bachelor president or the first bathtub in the White House, just think how many more milestones and tidbits of trivia will have built up over the next 50 years!
In the next five decades, we may very well see the first female president, the first Hispanic president, the first Asian-american president, the first openly gay president, the first closeted tag-team presidency. (“The press is lying when they say there are two of us. Oooo…we’d…i’d… like to give them such a body slam!”)
Thanks to medical miracles, we may see the record for “oldest president” broken more than once. (“I can remember why I came into the Oval Office, but I can’t remember why half the country hates me. Hey, I don’t remember that goldfish being in the bowl before…”)
We may finally see the first openly atheistic president. (“I believe that the children are our future. Of course, after that, they’re just worm food. In bluntness we trust.”) I wonder if they’ll sound as conflicted as some of today’s RELIGIOUS politicians. (“Speaking as a devout atheist, I’m going to make sure that school lunches include communion wafers and sacramental wine.”)
Maybe we’ll see the first president born on Mars. (Slogan: “Take me to your leader – oh, wait, I am your leader!”) Imagine inspiring voters with proclamations such as “America needs citizens who aren’t looking for a hand-out but instead are looking for a TENTACLE.” Of course, the candidacy will trigger a whole new wave of “birthers.” (“That’s OK. I’ve got the death-rayers on MY side!”)
I suspect the BIGGEST changes will come about if we drop the arbitrary “at least 35 years old” requirement for presidents.
Picture a chief executive who wears the nuclear codes in a nose piercing! Or who uses the Space Force to target lasers at zits!
He or she could make it less likely that vice presidents will have to take over when assassins strike. (“Unghh! Coach was right – I think I CAN walk this off.”)
But why stop with presidents who still have double-digits in their age? Maybe there will be a commander-in-chief who eschews the siren call of deep-pocketed donors and instead funds his own campaign – with lunch money “donated” by smaller classmates. (“No Swamp – just swirlies.”)
Yes, there could be a time when ballots ask, “Do you LIKE me like me? Check yes or no.”
Timeless speeches will include lines such as “Fourscore and…fourscore and…are you sure I can’t use my calculator for this?”
Think about bold international challenges, such as “Tear down this bouncy house – because I didn’t get one for MY birthday!”
Granted, youthful prejudices will make cabinet selection agonizingly complex. (“Do I HAFTA take him? Well, can he play right field instead of being the Secretary of Labor?”)
Can you imagine the reelection campaign? (“It’s morning in America – so scarf down some sugary cereal and start bouncing off the walls!”)
Let’s all watch for exciting presidential developments in the years to come.
But watch out for the centenarian yelling, “Hey, you kids get off the Lawn That Must Not Be Named Because It Conjures Up Images of Slavery and Jim Crow and Powerhouse Football Teams and…”