Bad Spellers of the World, Untie!
Here’s my latest roundup of spelling fails. They’re easy to find. You see them on signs at stores (or on the highway), and especially, social media. Each time I write about this, I think it may be the final edition. Yet somehow, within a few weeks people send me a whole new batch. I guess I should be thankful I have enough for a column. Like the man said on Facebook, “Don’t take it for granite.”
Another well-meaning soul had some advice for young people who question the value of staying in school.
She wrote, “Bad people can take your money, but they can’t take away your brian.” What if you don’t know anyone named Brian?
Referring to a child who had done well in his schooling, a proud mom wrote, “I think they should give him a trophy or a plague.” (I’d definitely go with the trophy.)
Not everyone is happy with their child’s school. Another mom wrote, “This teacher makes the homework too hard. She should give the instructions in plane English!” (Just sure everyone’s seat is in the upright position.)
A new parent was happy to post a picture of twin babies. She probably should have been a little more careful when spelling their names. “We are so proud of our little ones! Our son is Michael and our daughter is Dense.” (Give her time, she’ll grow out of it).
Do we really want to know about everyone’s ailments? Like that guy with “carpool tunnel.” Or the one who had to get his “prostitute gland” removed. One woman can no longer enjoy pizza because she is “lactose and tolerant.”
Still another said she missed an appointment. She wrote, “I just can’t remember anything. I wish I was like my husband. He has a pornographic memory.” (He could not be reached for comment.)
Politics is another hot topic on social media. One writer commented that a certain politician was “setting a bad president.” (If true, that is not unprecedented.)
Another political figure was criticized for being a “Communist synthesizer who should be tired in court.” (Maybe he’s worn out from playing all that Communist music.)
Some folks like to comment about what they watch on television. Like the man who said he had seen too many commercials about “reptile dysfunction.” Or the one who said he was glad to see people getting arrested for running “Fonzie schemes.” And why, a woman wrote, must the TV weather forecaster talk so much about the “Golf of Mexico?” (Don’t we have enough golf here in the USA?)
Speaking of the weather, one guy said he always dreads winter. “I don’t like having to drive on ice and snot,” he wrote. Yes sir, I don’t like the slippery stuff either.
After watching actress Nicole Kidman win an award, one woman was not pleased. She wrote, “I am not a fan of hers. She used to be in that cult, the Church of Cosmetology.” (I had no idea she was one of those cosmetologists. I’ll bet Keith Urban makes her style his hair).
One of Blake Shelton’s big fans would probably like to re-do a Facebook post after seeing him on the cover of People magazine. “They got it right this time,” she wrote. “Blake is definitely the Sexist Man Alive.”
We all like to reminisce about our childhood. One grandmother complained about kids today, always buying new clothes. “In my day, we had to wear hammy downs!” she wrote. “That’s all I had in my droors.” (I wonder if she was talking about my old friend, Chester Droors?)
The list goes on: writing about the election, one man wrote, “It don’t make no differents. It’s 61, or half dozen of the other.” Another asked, “If somebody else is driving my car, can the police hold me reliable?” Then there’s the guy who said, “My son don’t even know what KFC stands for. I had to tell him it’s Kentucky Fired Chicken.” (Now we know the secret recipe: it’s Kentucky fire).
Still, my favorite spellcheck fail has to be the one shared in a text message between a mother and daughter. The daughter was telling mom what had happened on her date. Her boyfriend had proposed. That seems like good news, but she made one major spelling error. She texted, “Mom, he finally did it, and I am ENRAGED!” Mom replied, “Come on home, honey. I never liked him anyway.”
Until next time, “fill free” to send me your favorite spelling fails. When in doubt, “air” on the side of caution. As always, I’m at your disposable.
There may be more of these columns down the road. But as Yogi Berra said, I don’t make predictions. Especially if it’s about the future.
ATLANTA — Legislation legalizing online sports betting in Georgia cleared a committee in the state House of Representatives for a second time Monday.
The House Economic Development and Tourism Committee passed the measure almost three weeks ago, but it was sent back for further work and a second vote.
The biggest change in the bill since its original airing was an increase in the tax companies licensed to run sportsbooks in Georgia would pay.
The substitute bill approved Monday calls for a 20% tax, up from 14% in the original measure. A sports betting bill before the state Senate calls for a tax rate of 16%.
Tennessee, which legalized online sports betting last year, is already collecting 20% from sportsbook operators, said Rep. Ron Stephens, R-savannah, the committee’s chairman and the bill’s chief sponsor.
Going from a 14% tax to 20% would yield another $20 million a year in revenue for education in Georgia, including the HOPE Scholarships program, Stephens said.
Under House Bill 86, at least six sportsbook operators would be licensed by the Georgia Lottery Corp. to run online sportsbooks in Georgia, paying application fees of $50,000 and annual licensing fees of $900,000.
Before Monday’s vote,
Rep. Miriam Paris, D-macon, criticized the bill for not guaranteeing minorityowned businesses would be able to participate in the sports betting industry in Georgia.
“[The Black community is] participating heavily in the lottery and gaming,” she said. “We need to know our communities are going to benefit.”
Rep. Becky Evans, D-atlanta, said she’d like to see the legislation steer some of the proceeds from sports betting toward need-based scholarships. HOPE bases its scholarships on merit.
But Stephens said inserting any language in the bill dealing with minority-owned business participation or need-based scholarships could require a constitutional amendment. Going that route would subject sports betting to a statewide referendum next year, which would delay it from taking effect until 2023, he said.
Stephens said Georgians already are gambling on sports, but the state can’t get any tax revenue from it because it’s being done illegally using offshore betting sites.
Rep. Don Hogan, R-ST. Simons Island, said legalizing sports betting in Georgia won’t change that.
“Sports gambling that goes on now will continue going on offshore,” he said. “We won’t have an effect on that.”
“We’ll compete with them,” Stephens shot back.
The bill now moves to the House Rules Committee to schedule a floor vote.
WASHINGTON — Merrick Garland, President Joe Biden’s attorney general nominee, vowed Monday to prioritize combating extremist violence with an initial focus on the insurrection at the U.S. Capitol as he sought to assure lawmakers that the Justice Department would remain politically independent on his watch.
A federal appeals court judge who was snubbed by Republicans for a seat on the Supreme Court in 2016, Garland is now among Biden’s most widely supported nominees, putting him on track for a quick confirmation potentially within days. He will inherit a Justice Department that endured a tumultuous era under former president Donald Trump — rife with political drama and controversial decisions — and that faced abundant criticism from Democrats over what they saw as the politicizing of the nation’s top law enforcement agencies.
Garland sought repeatedly Monday to assure members of the Senate Judiciary Committee that he would stay above the fray of politics. He emphasized that he had never spoken to Biden about the federal tax investigation into his son, Hunter Biden, and pledged to resign as attorney general if needed to stand up to the White House — though he said he didn’t expect that would be necessary “with this president.”
“I have grown pretty immune to any kind of pressure, other than the pressure to do what I think is the right thing, given the facts and the law. That is what I intend to do as the attorney general,” Garland said. “I don’t care who pressures me in
whatever direction.”
The positive reception for Garland illustrated that senators are ready to move forward after his name became synonymous with a bitter, four year partisan battle over Supreme Court nominations during the Trump presidency. But while praising Garland for his record and his temperament, Republicans who denied Garland a seat on the high court made clear that they will not give him a free pass if he is confirmed as attorney general.
“I just want to say I like you, I respect you, and I think you are a good pick for this job,” said Iowa Sen. Chuck Grassley, the top Republican on the panel and the former chairman who refused to hold confirmation hearings for Garland in 2016. “But I have a lot of questions about how you are going to
run the Department of Justice.”
Republican Sen. John Cornyn of Texas said he intends to vote for Garland and called him a “fundamentally decent human being.” Still, Cornyn said, “he’s also made clear that he’s going to advance the policies of the Biden administration. And I have a sneaking suspicion I’m not going to like some of those.”
Garland faced sustained questioning from senators about his plans to handle specific investigations and politically sensitive cases, like the Hunter Biden investigation and the special counsel’s inquiry started by former Attorney General William Barr into the origins of the Trumprussia investigation. The latter investigation, led by U.S. Attorney John Durham, also remains open.
Under questioning from Grassley, Garland said he had not spoken
to Durham yet but had no reason to second-guess Barr’s decision to give him special counsel status. Still, while expressing support for transparency at the Justice Department’s decision-making, Garland declined to commit to making public the results of the Durham investigation.
To date, Durham has interviewed officials from the FBI, Justice Department and the CIA regarding the early days of the Russia investigation, and has produced criminal charges against just one person — a former FBI lawyer who pleaded guilty to altering an email. Garland said “there were certainly serious problems” with applications for surveillance during the FBI’S Russia investigation, and that he intended as attorney general to speak more deeply about the issue with the Justice Department’s inspector general and with the FBI director.
“I am always concerned and have always been concerned that we be very careful about FISA,” Garland said, using the acronym for the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act.
An experienced judge, Garland held senior positions at the Justice Department decades ago, including as a supervisor in the prosecution of the 1995 Oklahoma City bombing, which led to the execution of Timothy Mcveigh. But he is set to return to a department that is radically different from the one he left. His experience prosecuting domestic terrorism cases could prove exceptionally valuable as investigations into the Capitol insurrection progress.
Garland said his first briefing as attorney general would be focused on the insurrection at the U.S. Capitol on Jan. 6. He promised to provide prosecutors with whatever resources they need to bring charges over the attack.
“I will supervise the prosecution of white supremacists and others who stormed the Capitol on January 6 — a heinous attack that sought to disrupt a cornerstone of our democracy: the peaceful transfer of power to a newly elected government,” Garland said in his opening statement.
Garland also emphasized his commitment to combating racial discrimination in policing — he said America doesn’t “yet have equal justice” — as well as confronting the rise in extremist violence and domestic terror threats. “Communities of color and other minorities still face discrimination in housing, education, employment, and the criminal justice system; and bear the brunt of the harm caused by pandemic, pollution, and climate change,” Garland said.