Family does not want daughter’s boyfriend to be at their gatherings

Dear Abby: We get our children and grandchildren together twice a year. Our oldest daughter is divorced and, unfortunately, has a significant other the rest of our family cannot stand. He’s an arrogant, competitive know-it-all.

We have been around him only twice — the last two times the family got together. The second time was a disaster for the rest of us. Should we tell her we don’t want to invite him this year, and how do we say it? Or should we not tell her?

— Tentative in Florida

Dear Tentative: Talk to your daughter about this. When you do, have handy a list of the ways he offended your family members at the gathering. Her significant other may be so self-centered he doesn’t realize he’s being obnoxious. Ask her to ask him to dial back his need to compete, impress, cover for his own insecurity — whatever drives him. Then give him one more chance. If that fails, do not invite him again.

Dear Abby: A friend of mine has a 70-pound dog that behaves badly. When I visit her, it sprints out of the front door, barking, and jumps on my car. It has left 3 1/2-inch-long deep scratches on two of my vehicles. She yells at it, and eventually the dog stops, but not before jumping on me and leaving me muddied and snagged.

This friend is due to have a baby, and I am sure she will be inviting me over to meet the baby soon. How can I avoid further damage to my car and clothing without damaging my friendship?

— Assaulted in Austin

Dear Assaulted: The obvious answer is to find the courage to tell your friend you are willing to visit only if she confines her dog so it won’t cause further damage.