Husband will not listen to spouse that she is being left unsatisfied

Dear Abby: My husband was forced into sex at the age of 12 by an older female. He has expressed how humiliated he felt and that he made it his mission to never feel inadequate again. He gets his “knowledge” of satisfying a woman through porn. I have tried to explain to him that what he’s seeing is only a performance put on for the male viewer.

I have tried more than once to show him what really makes a woman “tick,” but he insists I don’t know what I’m talking about and that I’m lying to him! I have tried every gentle approach to avoid hurting his feelings. I know from family members’ comments about his bedroom having been a “revolving door” for women that he probably didn’t use much discernment in his past.

How can I move forward when I feel like he’s stuck in the past? I know being sexually abused causes all kinds of trauma. He insists he’s over it, but his actions tell me otherwise. I’m pretty sure I’m not his first unsatisfied partner because all his other relationships have ended because they were “crazy, stupid, fat, unfaithful ...” I don’t want to give up on him. Please help. — Patient Wife in

Florida

Dear Wife: Solid marriages are built on trust and good communication, and your husband seems capable of neither. I admire your perseverance. The fact that he may have never had counseling to deal with what he went through as a child is regrettable. It could help even now. A licensed sex therapist might be able to help your husband see that you are not lying to him when you tell him that what pleases one woman might not please another. If you can’t make him understand what makes you “tick,” then cross your fingers and hope the therapist can get the message across.