Teenage granddaughter’s behavior and attire at funeral offends family

Dear Abby: Our dear mother recently passed away after an extended illness. We all knew it was inevitable, but it didn’t make our loss any easier. My siblings and I were devastated, and we still are. The day of her funeral was especially hard.

One of our older daughters brought her children, our granddaughters (13 and 19 years old), to the funeral. While everyone else was dressed appropriately, one of our granddaughters wore tattered jeans with a loose top that exposed her belly.

When one of her uncles mentioned her attire, she snapped that we had better things to think about. I was very upset and wanted to yell at her to leave, but my grief overcame my anger.

The whole time this granddaughter was there, she made sure everyone knew she was. I burst into tears, but that didn’t seem to bother her.

Rather than allow the family to grieve, it was more important to her that nobody was going to tell her what to do.

I want to tell her how we all felt about her attire and her attitude. I don’t want to ruin my relationship with her, but honestly, if another family member passes, none of us wants to deal with her attitude while we are grieving.

How do I tell her how disrespectful she was and that the time was not for her — it was for us as a family to grieve?

— Still Sad in The East

Dear Still Sad: Your granddaughter’s behavior at her great-grandmother’s funeral was atrocious. It was worse than her attire. The people who should “explain” proper attire and funeral etiquette to her are her parents, not you. Discuss this with them when you can do it calmly, since you and your siblings still are in pain, and your emotions are raw.