Friend’s background search of boyfriend invades reader’s privacy

Dear Abby: Even though I have lived in a different state for many years, I’ve remained in touch with a female friend I’ll call “Tina” from high school, mostly via text messaging. For the last 12 years, I have been in a relationship with a man who has been very good to me. We are not married and we don’t live together.

When I first met him, he told me that many years ago, when he was very young, he had been involved in several barroom brawls and had been arrested more than once. He recognized that his abuse of alcohol was at the root of his problem and decided to quit drinking. Over the years he has worked hard to turn his life around, and he hasn’t been in any sort of trouble since.

I believe everyone deserves a second chance. I didn’t share that information with Tina because it really isn’t any of her business.

Unbeknownst to me, Tina decided to conduct a background search on my boyfriend. One day, out of the blue, she sent me his “mugshot” and other details from 40 years ago, asking me if that was him. I can’t believe she did that, and I feel like it was crossing the line. I can’t comprehend what she hoped to accomplish. How would you advise me to handle this situation?

— Simply Stunned in

Florida

Dear Stunned: I would advise you to lose your “friend” and keep the man with whom you have the relationship.

Tina was a furlong out of bounds to send you the information without first discussing it with you. She may have done it in an attempt to “warn” you, or perhaps because she’s jealous.

Whatever the reason, she owes you an apology — if you are still speaking to her, that is.