Spouse does not want to have to be involved in husband’s future funeral

Dear Abby: We are a couple, married for 46 years. Of course, one of us will be passing on in the future. If my husband goes first, I’m unsure about how to handle any services for him. He has narcissistic personality disorder and, over the course of our marriage, he has made my life a living hell. I have grown to despise him.

I need to be respectful of his children and friends. Only a few close women friends know the situation. I want to have a proper remembrance for them that won’t involve too much of my presence. He will be cremated per his request. Can you suggest how I should handle this?

— Careful in California

Dear Careful: Discuss this with the person who will officiate at the memorial service when the time comes. Be as active a participant as you would like. Leaving the eulogizing to the people who loved him — his friends and children — is your privilege.

Dear Abby: My daughter is 38 and still can’t forgive me for being an alcoholic when she was young. Will I never be forgiven? I have had my drinking under control for six years now. What else can I do? I don’t want to leave this world and not be good with her. It’s killing me. I need my baby back. — Sober Mom in Kentucky

Dear Mom: You didn’t mention what personality changes you experienced when your daughter was young. Whether you were abusive or emotionally absent, the truth is she “lost” her mother during that period. You may need your baby girl back, but that baby is long gone. If you are not in AA, you should definitely attend some meetings to see how other parents cope with their loss.