Reader can’t understand boyfriend’s withdrawn nature around her friends

Dear Abby: My boyfriend, “Kirk,” and I have been dating exclusively for nearly two years and live together. We met during the pandemic, so for the first year or so, we mostly hung out — just the two of us. Since the world has opened back up, I’ve been encountering some problems now that we’re able to socialize with others.

Kirk often becomes silent and moody when we are around my friends. He’ll often leave early and abruptly without saying a proper goodbye. I find it incredibly rude. We’ve talked about it a number of times, but it continues. Kirk never acts this way around his own friends or family.

He also sometimes becomes terse, irritable and depressed when it’s just the two of us, typically before or during an outing. Because of this, a number of promising date nights have ended badly.

As his behavior continues, it makes me more and more angry. Kirk says this is just the way he is and he can’t be happy all the time. Is a relationship worth trying to save if you can’t consistently have fun with each other outside the house?

— Mystified in California

Dear Mystified: A relationship doesn’t have to be a laugh a minute to be successful. However, Kirk appears to be an introvert or possibly suffering from a social anxiety disorder, which would explain his behavior around your friends. If that’s the case, consider minimizing the amount of time and number of people he’s exposed to. What I find troubling is your statement that he sometimes becomes so terse and irritable, your dates are canceled at the last minute. This indicates (to me) that the romance may be cooling. The way to find out if it’s true would be simply to ask him.