Man hands out hugs to every woman except for the one he is married to

Dear Abby: My strongest “love language” is physical touch. For 23 years, my husband gave hugs galore to any and every woman, but never to me. The word “never” is not an exaggeration. He has recently begun to change and try to be better. Now he does hug me as much as I want. But when he hugs other women, it still feels like a knife.

He says the hugs mean nothing to him, but I question why, if they were so insignificant, he couldn’t give me even one for more than two decades? How do I get over feeling hurt when he hugs other women? Is there something wrong with my perspective? I’m not sure if I’m being too sensitive.

— Finally Worth

Hugging

Dear Finally: Too sensitive? There is nothing wrong with your “perspective.” For 23 years your passive-aggressive husband chose to withhold a gesture of affection you requested, while showering other women with it. It’s “nice” that he’s finally willing to make the effort to hug you but, frankly, it seems a bit late. It may take a therapist to help work through your justified hurt and anger over this. Start now.

Dear Abby: I’m writing to ask your advice about how to tell my friends we should not exchange Christmas gifts this year. We are all retirees. I’m not cheap, and neither are they, but none of us “needs” anything. I suspect many of us want to say it, but we don’t know how. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Suggestions?

— Halting Holiday

Gift-Giving

Dear Halting: Raise this subject during one of your visits well before the Christmas holiday. Do not feel shy about bringing it up. They may be as relieved as you about exchanging only cards.