Mother-in-law makes family’s house her own while she is housesitting

Dear Abby: Whenever my husband, kids and I go away, my mother-in-law insists on staying at our house. She then rearranges the rooms in my house, moving things to where she thinks they should be.

More than once she has thrown a party for her friends during our absence. Going on vacation stresses me out because I have no idea what I’m going to come home to. When my husband tells her I don’t like when she rearranges things, she gets defensive and cries about how she “can’t understand why I hate her.” I don’t hate her; I just wish she would respect my boundaries. Advice?

— Invaded in Pennsylvania

Dear Invaded: The next time your MIL insists on housesitting while you are on holiday, say you have made other arrangements and do not waver.

Dear Abby: Long ago, my parents purchased a large burial plot for our entire family, including spouses if we have them. My spouse isn’t eligible because he doesn’t fit the cemetery’s religious requirement. Our relationship has greatly diminished over the last few years — so much so that I no longer want to spend eternity next to them when my time comes. Part of me says let it be, but they seem to relish the idea that we will “all be together,” when in reality, I do not. I’d like to be cremated, which also goes against religious beliefs. Thoughts?

— Bad Son in Virginia

Dear Son: I think it’s your body, your choice. Because most parents die before their children, the odds of your folks being buried before you are great. In the meantime, since their fantasy of one big happy family plot is something they relish, be kind and don’t ruin it for them.