Stepmom is cut out of party planning and is then offended by the result

Dear Abby: I am a first-generation Mexican American who married into a Caucasian blended family. My husband, my stepdaughter, “Lisa,” and her mother and stepfather make up a beautiful unit. I have no children. Although my family initially ruffled at my interracial marriage, they got with the program —so much so that we invited Lisa to partake in a coming-of-age rite, the quinceanera.

Suddenly, when Lisa was 14 my extended family went into radio silence. Despite our attempts to encourage, coach and generate excitement, we were led to believe Lisa had gotten cold feet.

Two weeks before her 15th birthday, Lisa sent me an invitation for her quinceanera! Abby, words cannot express how heartbroken I feel. I was supposed to teach her about the cultural significance of what she was embarking on. I attended anyway. However, in addition to being devastated, I was deeply offended. Of course, because no one bothered to check in, many features of the rite were handled improperly.

I’ve been holding my tongue for Lisa’s sake since I’m afraid this could cause a rift.

What I don’t want is for Lisa to think my feelings have anything to do with something she may have done. For peace, is continued silence better?

Dear Madre: Your feelings of hurt and frustration are understandable. But LISA CHOSE to celebrate her birthday the way she and her mom wanted — and that was her privilege. Do not pick a fight over this. Move on. But do continue to share with

Lisa everything you have to offer — your wisdom, your experience and your cultural heritage — from now on.