Woman reconsiders staying with boyfriend through his chronic illness

Dear Abby: My boyfriend of four years has been diagnosed with chronic traumatic encephalopathy, or CTE. We’re both only 51. Obviously, we face a grim reality. He has already tried once to end our relationship to spare me the inevitable, but I convinced him I’m in it to the bitter end.

Now he’s accusing his family (and me) of being interested only in interrogating him about his conversations with others regarding his condition. He has cut off contact for the last few days while he reevaluates all of his relationships. I’m respecting his wishes, which is so hard since we have never gone a day without speaking.

My problem is the relief I feel. There are no meltdowns, no angry outbursts, no having to tiptoe around our conversations.

Until now, I didn’t realize the pressure I was under.

My dilemma now is: If he wishes to continue our relationship, should I? His anger is scaring me, and he’s losing himself so quickly. He’s not the man I grew to love.

I haven’t taken vows, but I don’t feel right ducking out when he needs someone the most. I’m confused about what to do. Any helpful advice would be greatly appreciated.

— Torn in Two in the

South

Dear Torn: The relationship you shared with your boyfriend is essentially over. You stated that his illness is turning him into someone else. You are not his wife, and you are not responsible for his wellbeing. Talk with his family and suggest they create a long-term plan for his care. He is going to need one. Because the emotion you are feeling now is primarily one of relief, allow this man to end the relationship if that is what he wants to do.