In-law’s family seems to be ignoring signs of failing memory and health

Dear Abby: My motherin-law is a sweet retired teacher. She lives an active life volunteering at her local Boys and Girls Club and keeping up with her friends. The issue is, her mobility and her memory are in decline, and she and her family are in denial about it.

She still drives and has recently had several fender benders. She also admitted to getting lost on her way home from the store and needing to call her brother to find her.

A fall resulted in a broken wrist. She thinks this is funny and isn’t worried. She won’t disclose anything about her health care, so we can’t talk to her doctor.

My husband refuses to talk with his mom about plans for moving or getting more help at home, and my brother-in-law won’t intervene. Both have ordered me to step back. We live a day’s drive away, so if something happens, it’s going to be hard to get to her in a hurry. Why am I the only one worried, and what can I do?

Dear Writing:

Even though your husband and his family refuse to acknowledge that your MIL may need help and an intervention, it doesn’t mean she isn’t a danger to the community when she’s behind the wheel. Consider contacting the police department in her community to report your concerns. The local police can file an “unsafe driver” report to your state’s DMV, which may require your MIL to take a driving aptitude test.

Additionally, it sounds like your MIL is not the only one having difficulty accepting her diminished condition. The Alzheimer’s Association’s Dementia and Driving webpage offers tips and strategies to discuss driving concerns with a family member, and its helpline experts at 800-272-3900 are available 24/7 to discuss this as well as a variety of other topics you may face as a family with your MIL.