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In the hours following Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s death on Friday evening, thousands of mourners flocked to the Supreme Court, a pilgrimage propelled by raw grief. Many sang and lit candles; they cried together, and hugged. They gathered again the next night, and the next. They’ll return as she lies in repose at the Supreme Court and in state at the U. S. Capitol.
But grieving a public figure — someone we didn’t know personally— can be perplexing. Why are we so affected? And how can we - should we — deal with these feelings?
There are many different types of grief, and experts underscore that they’re all valid. Not knowing someone in person doesn’t preclude us from grieving for them, and not acknowledging how we feel can be harmful.
Here are strategies for coping with the loss of someone whose presence mattered to you, whether you knew them in person or not.
• Name what you’re feeling. The grief we feel for a public figure is more of a “distanced grief,” said Sherry Cormier, a psychologist and bereavement trauma specialist based in Annapolis, Md. But it’s important to acknowledge our feelings, rather than push them aside to be dealt with another day. Say it out loud or write it in a journal: “I am grief-stricken.” “I’m heartbroken.”
• Remember that there’s no right or wrong way to grieve.
Make grief a judgment-free zone. There’s no road map, and what feels helpful to one person
won’t to another. While some people gain strength from public gatherings, others can’t stomach the thought. If posting socialmedia tributes makes you feel better, go for it; if public displays of mourning are difficult for you to see, take a break from your apps.
• Seek connection.
Our brains are hardwired for social contact and sharing, and for many of us, that’s particularly true when we’re grieving. The vigils honoring Ginsburg, which have been replicated across the country, are one way to engage in a shared community experience.