Friendship is a casualty of birthday party argument
DEAR ABBY » My best friend of nine years, “Sierra,” and my boyfriend of two years, “Jaden,” strongly dislike each other. They were both at a cookout I had for my birthday, and Sierra kept making passive-aggressive comments about him.
At one point, she criticized something controversial that he said, and when he tried to engage her in conversation about it, she ignored him and pretended he didn’t exist. Jaden then launched into a series of verbal attacks against her, and although I attempted to get him to drop it, I was unsuccessful.
Sierra ended up leaving, telling me she needed to take a break from our friendship. She has since unfollowed me on social media, leaving me with the impression that our friendship is over because of the argument between her and my boyfriend.
I know Jaden was more at fault, and we have discussed the situation at length, but Sierra isn’t willing to talk to me about it. They’ve never had an interaction like this, ever. She’s never liked him, and I know she will never move past this. If Jaden and I were to break up, I don’t know if I could bring myself to resolve things with Sierra because I feel like she was unwilling to preserve our friendship. Should I accept her reaction and behavior and move past this?
— Betrayed and
Confused
DEAR BETRAYED »
You have no choice but to accept Sierra’s reaction. Not knowing what Jaden said that was controversial, I can’t offer an opinion about what generated the argument. If she preferred not to engage with him further, it was her privilege. For Jaden to have pursued and verbally attacked your friend was abusive, and she did the right thing by leaving.
Sierra appears to have a strong sense of self-esteem, and I doubt there is anything you could say to her to convince her to subject herself to Jaden’s presence again. She’s intelligent enough to know that until your romance with him has run its course, remaining out of the line of fire is the best course of action. If Jaden becomes history, give her a call.
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