Couple’s future threatened by fiancee’s grief

DEAR ABBY » My fiancee and I have been together for four years. I have lost A LOT of people in my life, so I am used to death. She, on the other hand, didn’t experience it until two years ago, when she lost her grandfather. The next year, her mother passed, and last year we lost a child — her oldest — my stepson.

Abby, she is so lost. She’s no longer the same person she once was, and I totally understand that. I’m sad and depressed, too, but she’s bad.

I love this woman like I have never loved any other. I can’t picture life without her, but lately I have begun to wonder how it would affect me, her and the kids if I left.

I’m not equipped to deal with someone else’s depression on top of my own. I have been trying, but I’m finding myself getting more and more angry. What should I do?

— Torn in

the East

DEAR TORN » You mentioned that you, too, suffer from depression. Are you receiving treatment for it? If you are seeing a psychologist (and being medicated), discuss this with the person who is working with you. You may need a change in your medication.

It isn’t surprising that with so much loss all at once in her life, your fiancee is grieving and depressed. Frankly, while I might suggest she join a support group for help in coping with the loss of her child, she may also need help from a licensed mental health professional.

Although you are tempted, I don’t think now is the time to abandon your fiancee and her children. Once she is stabilized, you may not want to leave at all.