The pandemic is out of our control, but how we react to the pain and stress it creates is not

both. The highest rates of mental illness are in young adults ages 18 to 25 (25.8 percent), lowest in those older than 50 (13.8percent), with more women (22percent) than men (15 percent). Moreover, these numbers reflect a 12-year upward trend.

The pandemic now presents additional challenges for managing both mental health and substance use disorders. Visits for psychotherapy and medical management have been canceled or disrupted; there is more social isolation, loss, uncertainty and worry. Loss and suffering may change a person, but much will influence its trajectory, including biological, environmental, behavioral and psychological components.

Any life stressor, to some degree, is out of our control. How long will the pandemic last? When can we go back to school? To work? When can we stop social isolation? Wearing face coverings? What sources of health information are trustworthy? All valid questions, but they are also unknowns and uncertainties; we don’t want to get stuck ruminating about them.

Strategies that help

We should focus on what is within our control. Some examples: our appraisal of the situation, our behavioral response to the stressor, our choice of whom we spend time with and our management of the daily routine.

Research shows that when resilient people face adversity, they look for the good amid the stress. They engage with the controllable aspects of their lives, such as family, personal health and giving back to the community. They develop a healthy social support system of resilient role models, focusing on people who lift them up. (You can still see them on Zoom.) Those who are inflexible, fatalistic or catastrophize are not part of the social support system.

They manage emotions that accompany stress through emotional regulation techniques. They also use problem-solving coping techniques, such as seeking factual health information from reputable sources such as the CDC.

Self-care is critical — physically, mentally and spiritually. Physical activity promotes not only health but your mood. If the gym is closed, try things you can do in the house or neighborhood, like yoga, hiking, biking and walking. Meditation and mindfulness exercises help you stay centered. A Google search will yield numerous free and evidence-based apps that teach how to regulate emotions and practice mindfulness.

Teach kids to adapt

Our society’s parenting culture is set up to make sure our children are comfortable. Because of that, many children are illequipped to handle life’s unexpected and unavoidable setbacks. We all possess the potential to grow as human beings when we are put in uncomfortable situations.

This is why the pandemic is a teachable moment for our children. Showing them how to successfully adapt to stressful events can inoculate them when faced with future crises.

So don’t use catastrophizing terms when discussing the virus with them. Be honest about the uncertainty; it’s OK to say you don’t have all the answers. But teach them all emotions are normal and that the trick is how you manage them. From this, children learn how to tolerate uncertainty and develop problem-solving strategies.

And the most critical: Model resiliency. Our children watch and hear what we do and say. The same behaviors we want to see in our children should be reflected in how you respond to stressful life events. Be calm, be consistent and remember: Resilient kids become resilient adults.

Keith M. Bellizzi is a professor of human development and family sciences at the University of Connecticut. This article is from The Conversation, a nonprofit that distributes scholarly findings in accessible form.

Self-care is critical. Physical activity builds health and positive moods. Meditation and mindfulness help people stay centered.