Man doesn’t want to start a romance DEAR ABBY

Dear Abby: Last year I met a special man when I hired him to do some work related to my hobby. We easily fell into a friendship and have grown very close. We currently spend all our free time together. We talk every day on the phone, sometimes for hours. We are both divorced with children. He was married for 17 years and hasn’t been in a relationship since.

About a month ago, I kissed him. While he did kiss me back, hesitantly, that was as far as he let it go. He said he “doesn’t want to ruin what we have and isn’t sure if it’s the right thing.” I was embarrassed and hurt, but we carried on like nothing had happened.

He is 16 years older, and I know he finds me attractive. He has told me I am beautiful, among other compliments, and we’ve had a few very long hugs. I desire a physical connection with him, but I wish I didn’t. Lately, when we are together I can’t stop thinking about it. He obviously knows how I feel, but

I’m afraid of pushing the issue. I feel like maybe I should stop seeing him. I would miss him a lot, like losing my best friend. But I’m compromising my own needs by letting him string me along, or whatever it is he is doing. I know he would be hurt, too, if we “broke up.” I don’t know what to do. It feels like I am going to lose either way.

Dear Can’t Win: It is time for a nonthreatening, adult conversation with this man about why he hasn’t had a romantic relationship since his divorce and doesn’t appear interested in one now. This doesn’t mean you are going to lose either way.

Dear Abby: I have been reading your advice since I was quite young. I recently ended a toxic relationship and have you to thank for helping me move forward. I’m on my own now for the first time, which has been interesting to experience during our COVID crisis. It has made me realize who is truly important in my life.

I am reaching out to people from my past who are positive influences and trying to cultivate and nurture relationships. I am also reflecting on my personal issues that need working on while I detoxify. Thank you for your voice of reason and great advice, even when it has been difficult to accept the truth in it.

Dear Appreciative: Thank you for your sweet letter, and congratulations for finding the courage.