San Antonio Express-News (Sunday)
21 life tips for my son on his 21st birthday
My son, when you were born, I was younger than you are now. I was afraid, clueless and had no idea what life had in store for us. Yet somehow, I believed I knew it all. It wasn’t easy, but being your mom has been a gift.
Sometimes, I can’t believe you are an adult. While I deeply miss the season of life in which you were a young boy living at home, I am so very proud of the man you are, and I am excited about your future.
You turned down my invitation to celebrate your birthday, and while that made me a bit sad, I understand. I, too, was 21 once, and chances are, I would have done the same.
So, here are my 21 life tips for you — many of which you have heard before and I am still learning more than 20 years after my 21st. Do forgive the clichés and motherly sappiness. Your milestone birthday is both a reminder of how empty my nest is and how blessed I am to be your mom.
1. Since this is the birthday that makes drinking alcohol legal, I will begin there. Don’t drink and drive. Don’t get so inebriated that you can’t control or remember your actions.
2. You really don’t know it all, and you never will. None of us do. Seek mentors. Ask trusted people who have wisdom for advice.
3. Being popular is fleeting and overrated. Keep your small circle of trusted friends and family close. Earn their trust with honesty, communication, respect and loyalty.
4. Keep your word. And when you mess up, apologize — and mean it.
5. Don’t rush to find love. Get to know yourself and what you need and want. Love yourself first and don’t settle.
6. Work is only a small part of your life — not your whole life. When you figure out what you want to do for a career, know that it will likely change more than once, so never stop learning. Don’t expect to be in charge right away. Do all jobs, no matter how small, with integrity.
7. Don’t be afraid of failure. Use it as a catalyst for growth.
8. Save money, avoid debt and maintain your credit. Your life will be much more difficult if you don’t.
9. Value experiences, not things. Travel.
10. We all mess up. Learn from your mistakes. When you hurt
someone, apologize and do better.
11. Take care of your health — mind, body and spirit. Sleep and eat well. Move your body. Brush and floss your teeth. Wear sunscreen. Go to the doctor and dentist for checkups. See a therapist. Pray.
12. Make your bed. (Yes, it helps
you feel better.)
13. Remember that social media is always public and it can steal your joy, if you let it.
14. Open your mind. Read books and newspapers. Listen to podcasts. Watch documentaries.
15. Hard times don’t last. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, and know that you’re never alone.
16. Enjoy your life. Make and cherish memories. Don’t take one day for granted.
17. Cherish every birthday. Be grateful for the process and gift of aging.
18. Evaluate your life and set goals, but don’t wallow in regret.
19. Be grateful. Be kind. Say please and thank you. Hold doors open.
20. Life is short. Be present. Take deep breaths, and stop and smell the roses.
21.You can always start over. I know there are more than 21 in this list. I couldn’t help myself. Writing it evoked memories, brought a lump to my throat and tears to my eyes. Parents want to shield their children from hurt and hard times, even when we know that’s impossible. If you become a parent one day, you will understand. Parents want our children’s days to be filled with health, joy and blessings — all good, nothing bad.
My son, here’s “one to grow on,” as they say: I hope you always remember that I love you unconditionally. I want the very best for you. That won’t ever change. As you told me when you first learned the meaning of the word as a little boy, “I love you, infinity.”
Happy birthday blessings to you.